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LMS XVII: Week 12 - Wassup! Thank you!

Posted: 2010-11-25

Congratulations, clever ones. You have made it to the end of November. While others are struggling with their commonplace holiday travels that take them by planes, trains, and automobiles over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house today (providing the TSA checks their undies first) – you continue your quest for rare recognition and the accompanying riches that it can bring, riches big enough to ...

... save all of Ireland if you wanted to do that. FOOTBALL GENIUS status is a mere 6 weeks from your still yearning grasp. Fight on, caged ones.

THE ZOOKEEPER was readying for his holiday weekend by kicking back at the VAN with Jimmy Johnson a couple of D.O.E. guys, and some guy in a turban, who said his name was Mansour, that he met on Face Book. You just never know who’s going to show up at the VAN. They were rocking heavy with the Muscatel, clipping Black Friday coupons, discussing the plot development in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and watching the latest Dancing with the Stars episode. Fortunately, Bristol finally got knocked off so the Zenith stayed intact – those D.O.E. guys get mean when they’re drinking heavily. The spatchcocked turkey was ready for the grill and the mellifluous tones of Sebastian C were flowing from the RCA Victrola. It was a couple of jugs into the night when the ZK gave reflection when asked about the origins of the THE WORLD’S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL.

It was born in a mid-October Muscatel induced trance some 17 years ago, as THE ZOOKEEPER caged his first animals. Nobody knows where he came from – he just showed up one day – kind of like a North Korean artillery shell. Animals came from far and wide when they heard about the dream vision of this little round man with the Bowler hat, living off government cheese and gallons of Muscatel in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER. 57 of them were caged in that first season, ending with 4 of them being crowned the first confirmed LMS FOOTBALL GENIUSES: ACE, ICE MAN, ONENESS, and SHITHEAD (hey, they were dark days).

Surprisingly, ONENESS elected not to pick up his loot, and, instead directed THE ZOOKEEPER to donate his share to some local charity as the sheer joy of his accomplishment was all the satisfaction that he needed. A local hospice just starting up, ADVENT HOUSE, became the very first unofficial LMS donation by way of the generosity of ONENESS. More importantly, the seeds of the idea had been planted and soon after RONALD MCDONALD HOUSE became the first “official” LMS donation designation in 1999 (things were so cool when Billy Clinton was president – remember?) Since then, over 550 different charities have benefitted from this little annual pigskin adventure as the vision born in a Muscatel hangover has now grown from 57 to 6,805 needy animals getting their gambling jones satisfied, while helping out others where needed by their participation. Some 250 plus Sponsors grind it out each work for you animals. Give them some Thanksgiving pause today before you go all Man vs. Food and tie in to the tryptofans. The results of all of your efforts are in spread sheet attached, but for now, you just need these numbers:

6153 OUT, 11 DQ’D, 641 IN. 310 BROWNS, 207 J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS, 39 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, 28 PATRIOTS, 18 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS, 18 TEXANS, 5 BRONCOS, 5 EGGLES, 3 RAYDAHS, 2 NATIVE AMERICANS, and a host of lone wolves: 1 LIGHTNING BOLT, 1 CHEF, 1 COLT, 1 COWBOY (there’s always one in the crowd), 1 RAVEN, and 1 SAINT

PICK OF THE WEEK HONORS goes to ROOKIE taking the 3 ½ point home dog Cowboys over the Saints today. Way to go ROOKIE. That’ll give us all a reason to wake up from our planned naps as we watch you and ABLUE4YOU battle it out today. Honorable mention should go to our other lone wolves this week, BOILER taking the Chargers as dogs in Indy (gutsy pick), DRAGON FIRE taking the Chefs in Seattle, COLLIE 23 going mano a mano with BOILER, and MR ANDERSON taking the Ravens at home against Tampa Bay. You did check to see that you hadn’t used the Ravens yet, didn’t you, MR ANDERSON?

All for this week. Thanks to you all for making this thing of ours works. Irish ride the win streak into Southern Cal this week. Give a special thanks for our service people all over this crazy planet. LMS charities to date attached. R.I.P. Rob Lytle. Peace. Out.