CyberZahm

Aka Johnny Good Times, Worm Hunter. BS. in Psychology, 1973. Subsequent MA., PHD.. One BMF. Loves rats. Currently lives in a shack hand carved from stolen Weyerhauser timber in Spotted Owl, Oregon. Once treated Bill Buckner for deep depression. Presently hanging on to the last days of welfare paycheck system. Spends most days searching Oregon forests for wonder drugs that last up to three hours. Renown for sending Christmas cards 10 months early.

Willo

Aka THE Willo, Hog Man, Hog, Holmes, Digger. BS'73 Engineering. Tunnel Rat. Especially fond of fermented grapes. Known to wax philosophical after consuming large quantities. Has regular delusions of omnipotence. Considered a very impotent man by those who knew him when. Specialty is keeping politicians in dark holes on a regular basis. Once directed God to be his caddy when Gov. Weld couldn't make it. Thinks George Foster still plays left field for Cincinnati. Flunked coloring in kindergarten but still maintains it wasn't his fault the crayons went outside the boundaries ... "but Miss B. Gotten, the lines moved."

Andy

Aliases on file with Interpol. BA. English 1974. Speaks it real good. Received MBS. (Masters in Balls and Strikes) from Brinkman University 1996 (class photo to be shown soon). Claims to be a spiritualist. Consuming large quantities daily is only known connection. Has never worked. Currently lives off the kindness of strangers. Has picked the loser in 30 consecutive Super Bowls. Once arrested for inciting a riot by reciting lewd version of Casey at the Bat at local Little League field.

Albert

Aka Babbert, Baberbabert, Babs, Launch Master, Albertseltzer, Mr. BB, Albie. BA Mktng. 1974. Hasn't done squat since but has gotten frequent flyer mileage convincing several employers he does something other than play golf and run up expensive restaurant charges. Currently working on international scam focusing on launching the wireless information industry. Once applied for position of gigolo for Joan Payson. Acquitted of charges he insulted Walter Payton with racial slurs. Stalking incident settled with existing court order forbidding him to get within 500 feet of Tom Seaver. Bundled the Mundle Bundle. Favorite song: Delta Dawn.

Fox

Aka Dan, Danny, THE Fox, THE ICC, Grandfather, Professor. BS. Math 1973. Subsequent degrees include MA., PHD., ICC, and SLY. Once sued in reverse paternity suit filed by Woody Allen. Ex-Red Machine fanatic known for stupid hat tricks. Currently fillows Phollies. Can't resist a bargain ... once purchased John Kruk's testicle from sports memorabilia show because it was marked half off. Known to hunt deer out of season. Extremely dangerous when armed with calculator and homemade ale. Recently formed correspondence with the Unabomber for professional reasons.

Gary

Aka Sobo, Tex. BA '74 Marketing, MBA (Master of Bullshit Analysis) Chicago. Changes residences frequently to avoid prosecution on numerous morals charges. Lets small children play near the Infobahn. Hobbies include home movie making. A regular guest at the home of Erik Williams. Once shared a profound experience with Bill Melton and still keeps his picture at his bedside. Still fondley remembers Anna the maid after all these years.

Mags

AKA Jim. EASC BS '74, subsequent MS SUNY Stony Brook. Released by NASA in dispute over attempts to sell pieces of New Jersey as moon rocks to unsuspecting tourists. Still recovering from failed business venture attempting to franchise pet rock boarding kennels. Currently working to determine who put all the dirt in Catskills. Team logo contains this cryptic marking: "annuzzah?". Thinks Rocky Colovito is a mountain range in Italy.

Hans

Aka Tom, Hahnz. BA Mgmt. 1974. Primary purpose in life is to play golf. Has a walk-in closet full of plaid pants. Fond of whales. Yells "fore" at the ballpark when his players go yard. Management skills learned at ND evident by his decision to let his teenage son handle all GM responsibilities. Wife Sheila handles pitching staff.

Prep

Aka Tom, Preppy, Prepster, Punster, The Pink One. BA '75 GP(Good Puns), JD Denver College of Law and Laughs. Fortress of Solitude believed to be near Plainsilly, MN. (site of the 1998 CyberZahm fest). Prefers left over right in all matters except self flagellation. Has a son named Walleye. Reported to be in possession of incriminating photos of Paul Molitor in his wife's high school sweater.

Gabes

Aka Tom, ICC, Grasshopper. BA Mktng 1974. Admissions Office still investigating High School transcript. Former principal in failed J.O.'s Beef Palace Franchise. Current employment unknown as to purpose, has to do mostly with tossing dead presidents around darkened rooms. Rumored to sleep with bright blue cap on his head. Thinks Mark Grace is superior to Frank Thomas. Once had mail sent to Harry Carry returned by the Post Office due to obscene language in envelope address. Has a penchant for drafting players destined for the DL.

Ike

Aka Tom, Ikey, the Ikester, Doc; received a degree in something from ND in 1974 but no one remembers him at graduation. Received his M.D degree from the University of the Caribbean at Grenada. Claims to have pointed the GIs towards all of the local Hos when they invaded the island. Claims he can out- bleep Gabes; in word it's possible but not in reality. Loves cigars; has appeared in Cigar Aficionado magazine with the caption "Cigar Butt" under his picture.

Dave

Aka David, Barn, Mouthpiece, Inagoda; Received BA in Government and International Studies from ND in '74; his international studies focused on researching National Geographic magazine issues that featured naked Pygmy women and women of the Amazon; Received J.D. degree from Ohio State Penitentiary in 1974. His roomate there referred to him as Mary. A real liberal. Refers to himself as a Democrat's Democrat. Hopes to run for office someday soon. Claims to have a plan but can't seem to locate it.

Kerry

Aka Rebel, Reb; received his Bachelors in Business Administration from ND in 1974; now refers to himself as a VP of a Richmond bank; works a window there next to tellers with 50 years of service; FDIC has him under 24 hour surveilance; last heard from several months ago; rumors have it that someone has to type his e-mail notes because he's lost all manual dexterity; this is probably due to the fact that he had to overwork his hand at ND after frustration in getting someone to go out with him.

Jack

Aka Jackson; received an engineering degree from ND in 1974; first job out of college was driving a freight train for the B&O RR; fellow workers referred to him as Kiddlehopper; spent several years in England looking for work; reported to be one hell of a snooker player; daughter Kathleen is a freshman at ND; Jack reportedly wears his Zahm Zooicide squad t-shirt on all visits.

Robert P. Devlin

Access denied-all files deleted.

"You don't want to go there!"

Terry

Aka Pig Flogger, The Kansas Comet; B.A. in something 1974. Whereabouts unknown. Last seen driving a copper colored 1970 model Oldsmobile Cutlass. Believed to be armed but not so dangerous.

Mark

Aka Curly, Ball, Barn, Dog; BA in BS, 1974. A Xerox VP (Vagrant Pooch). Avid hunter who will shoot anything; particularly adept at shooting the shit. Holder of several ND records: most duodenitis attacks after consuming a bottle of liguor; 33 hours in one semester without attending one class; and, most panels punched out of Zahm Hall doors. A regular in Father Hesburgh's confessional between 1970-1974.

Billy

AKA HILLBilly, Po Willy, The Missouri Mole. 73 BA NASCAR. Member of Redneck Friends Anonymous. Likes to hunt and fish. Known cohort of internationally famous conservative provocateur, Donna Ward. Extremely dangerous with golf bets. Once consumed 3 jugs of white lightning in one sitting and still shot a 79 on the golf course. Likes fast cars and dangerous women. Using old fashioned Missouri charm, he has been known to scam the catholic church for money on a regular basis. Currently working on a project to develop synthetic dirt for race tracks using his son-in-law and grandchildren as stock car pilots. Approach with caution.

Gidge

AKA Paul, Gidget, MUH; received his BS (useful in politics) in 1975; Major field of study was the Kama Sutra; Liked women at an early age, but loved their Muthas; When pushed to give a round number of how many different Kama Sutra positions he had tried by the age of 16, he replied, "OK, 27"; Fears hitchhikas; Very fond of dogs; Known to sleep with a silver hound; Loves Democrats; Likes to travel; Rumored to have had a South of the Border experience with somebody named Whitman.

authors: Andy and Gabes