Aka Johnny Good Times, Worm Hunter. BS. in Psychology, 1973. Subsequent MA.,
PHD.. One BMF. Loves rats. Currently lives in a shack hand
carved from stolen Weyerhauser timber in Spotted Owl, Oregon.
Once treated Bill Buckner
for deep depression. Presently hanging on to the last days of
welfare paycheck system. Spends most days searching Oregon
forests for wonder drugs that last up to three hours. Renown for sending Christmas cards 10 months early.
Aka THE Willo, Hog Man, Hog, Holmes, Digger. BS'73
Engineering. Tunnel Rat. Especially fond of fermented grapes. Known to
wax philosophical after consuming large quantities. Has regular
delusions of omnipotence. Considered a very impotent man by those who
knew him when. Specialty is keeping politicians in dark holes on a
regular basis. Once directed God to be his caddy when Gov. Weld couldn't
make it. Thinks George Foster still plays left field for Cincinnati.
Flunked coloring in kindergarten but still maintains it wasn't his fault
the crayons went outside the boundaries ... "but Miss B. Gotten, the lines
Aliases on file with Interpol. BA. English 1974. Speaks it real
good. Received MBS. (Masters in Balls and Strikes) from Brinkman
University 1996 (class photo to be shown soon).
Claims to be a spiritualist. Consuming large
quantities daily is only known connection. Has never worked.
Currently lives off the kindness of strangers. Has picked the
loser in 30 consecutive Super Bowls. Once arrested for inciting
a riot by reciting lewd version of Casey at the Bat at local
Little League field.
Aka Babbert, Baberbabert, Babs, Launch Master, Albertseltzer, Mr.
BB, Albie. BA Mktng. 1974. Hasn't done squat since but has gotten
frequent flyer mileage convincing several employers he does
something other than play golf and run up expensive restaurant
charges. Currently working on international scam focusing on
launching the wireless information industry. Once applied for
position of gigolo for Joan Payson. Acquitted of charges he
insulted Walter Payton with racial slurs. Stalking incident
settled with existing court order forbidding him to get within
500 feet of Tom Seaver. Bundled the Mundle Bundle.
Favorite song: Delta Dawn.
Aka Dan, Danny, THE Fox, THE ICC, Grandfather, Professor.
BS. Math 1973.
Subsequent degrees include MA., PHD., ICC, and SLY. Once sued in reverse
paternity suit filed by Woody Allen. Ex-Red Machine fanatic
known for stupid hat tricks. Currently fillows Phollies.
Can't resist a bargain ... once purchased John Kruk's testicle from
sports memorabilia show because it was marked half off. Known to
hunt deer out of season. Extremely dangerous when armed with
calculator and homemade ale. Recently formed correspondence with
the Unabomber for professional reasons.
Aka Sobo, Tex. BA '74 Marketing, MBA (Master of Bullshit
Analysis) Chicago. Changes residences frequently to avoid prosecution on
numerous morals charges. Lets small children play near the Infobahn.
Hobbies include home movie making. A regular guest at the home of Erik
Williams. Once shared a profound experience with Bill Melton and still
keeps his picture at his bedside. Still fondley remembers Anna the maid
after all these years.
AKA Jim. EASC BS '74, subsequent MS SUNY Stony Brook.
Released by NASA in dispute over attempts to sell
pieces of New Jersey as moon rocks to unsuspecting tourists. Still
recovering from failed business venture attempting to franchise pet rock
boarding kennels. Currently working to determine who put all the dirt in
Catskills. Team logo contains this cryptic marking: "annuzzah?".
Thinks Rocky Colovito is a mountain range in Italy.
Aka Tom, Hahnz. BA Mgmt. 1974. Primary purpose in life is to
play golf. Has a walk-in closet full of plaid pants. Fond of
whales. Yells "fore" at the ballpark when his players go yard.
Management skills learned at ND evident by his decision to let
his teenage son handle all GM responsibilities. Wife Sheila
handles pitching staff.
Aka Tom, Preppy, Prepster, Punster, The Pink One. BA '75 GP(Good
Puns), JD Denver College of Law and Laughs. Fortress of Solitude
believed to be near Plainsilly, MN. (site of the 1998 CyberZahm fest).
Prefers left over right in all matters except self flagellation. Has a
son named Walleye. Reported to be in possession of incriminating photos
of Paul Molitor in his wife's high school sweater.
Aka Tom, ICC, Grasshopper. BA Mktng 1974. Admissions Office still investigating
High School transcript. Former principal in failed J.O.'s Beef
Palace Franchise. Current employment unknown as to purpose, has
to do mostly with tossing dead presidents around darkened rooms.
Rumored to sleep with bright blue cap on his head. Thinks Mark
Grace is superior to Frank Thomas. Once had mail sent to Harry
Carry returned by the Post Office due to obscene language in
envelope address. Has a penchant for drafting players destined
for the DL.
Aka Tom, Ikey, the Ikester, Doc; received a degree in something from ND in 1974 but no one remembers him at graduation. Received his M.D degree from the
University of the Caribbean at Grenada. Claims to have pointed the GIs
towards all of the local Hos when they invaded the island. Claims he can out-
bleep Gabes; in word it's possible but not in reality. Loves cigars; has
appeared in Cigar Aficionado magazine with the caption "Cigar Butt" under his
Aka David, Barn, Mouthpiece, Inagoda; Received BA in Government and
International Studies from ND in '74; his international studies focused on
researching National Geographic magazine issues that featured naked Pygmy
women and women of the Amazon; Received J.D. degree from Ohio State
Penitentiary in 1974. His roomate there referred to him as Mary. A real
liberal. Refers to himself as a Democrat's Democrat. Hopes to run for office
someday soon. Claims to have a plan but can't seem to locate it.
Aka Rebel, Reb; received his Bachelors in Business
Administration from ND in 1974; now refers to himself as a VP of a Richmond
bank; works a window there next to tellers with 50 years of service; FDIC has
him under 24 hour surveilance; last heard from several months ago; rumors have
it that someone has to type his e-mail notes because he's lost all manual
dexterity; this is probably due to the fact that he had to overwork his hand
at ND after frustration in getting someone to go out with him.
Aka Jackson; received an engineering degree from ND in
1974; first job out of college was driving a freight train for the B&O RR;
fellow workers referred to him as Kiddlehopper; spent several years in England
looking for work;
reported to be one hell of a snooker player; daughter Kathleen is a freshman
at ND; Jack reportedly wears his Zahm Zooicide squad t-shirt on all visits.
Access denied-all files deleted.
Robert P. Devlin
"You don't want to go there!"
Aka Pig Flogger, The Kansas Comet; B.A. in
something 1974. Whereabouts unknown. Last seen driving a copper colored
1970 model Oldsmobile Cutlass. Believed to be armed but not so dangerous.
Aka Curly, Ball, Barn, Dog; BA in BS, 1974. A Xerox VP (Vagrant Pooch).
Avid hunter who will shoot anything; particularly adept at shooting the
shit. Holder of several ND records: most duodenitis attacks after
consuming a bottle of liguor; 33 hours in one semester without attending
one class; and, most panels punched out of Zahm Hall doors. A regular
in Father Hesburgh's confessional between 1970-1974.
AKA HILLBilly, Po Willy, The Missouri Mole. 73 BA NASCAR. Member
of Redneck Friends Anonymous. Likes to hunt and fish. Known cohort of
internationally famous conservative provocateur, Donna Ward. Extremely
dangerous with golf bets. Once consumed 3 jugs of white lightning in one
sitting and still shot a 79 on the golf course. Likes fast cars and
dangerous women. Using old fashioned Missouri charm, he has been known to
scam the catholic church for money on a regular basis. Currently working on
a project to develop synthetic dirt for race tracks using his son-in-law and
grandchildren as stock car pilots. Approach with caution.
AKA Paul, Gidget, MUH; received his BS (useful in politics)
in 1975; Major field of study was the Kama Sutra; Liked women at an
early age, but loved their Muthas; When pushed to give a round number of
how many different Kama Sutra positions he had tried by the age of 16,
he replied, "OK, 27"; Fears hitchhikas; Very fond of dogs; Known to
sleep with a silver hound; Loves Democrats; Likes to travel; Rumored to
have had a South of the Border experience with somebody named Whitman.
authors: Andy and Gabes