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LMS XVII: Week 7 - The Hunter's Moon

Posted: 2010-10-21

There's a witch who lives in the woods near THE VAN. All the animals run away. Somebody said she talks to the dead. And she made old Reverend Billy kill that kid. That doesn't matter much to THE ZOOKEEPER. He just continues to clean the cages. Why? ...

... ...Because the cages are 2 damn high.

Like an invite to be a friend on Facebook, the pressure just keeps on coming. This week it was POLARBEAR who took a Junior Seau off the cliff to become our latest DQ. Sure, he'll blame it on identity theft, hate crimes, the lack of jobs, and a poor economy, but the animals know what happened. It didn't matter if he could see New Orleans from his house. He didn't man up. Picking the Saints in WEEK FOUR and WEEK SIX gets you a mention in the weekly report, but it doesn't get you to WEEK SEVEN. Now you've got all the time you need to go see Jackass 3-D, POLARBEAR.

And so the journey continues. October's full Hunter's Moon shines down on all the cages this week in peaceful autumn harmony. It's pale presence reminds us all of the unity that binds us together in the past, the present, and the oh so desired future. Like a phone call from Ginny Thomas it awakens whatever ephemeral thoughts we allowed to lead us into a false sense of isolation from our connected history. While the civilized world is now consumed with the difficult decisions of political choices, market plays in rare earth metals, the theological bent of Homer and Bart Simpson, and planned Halloween costume choices (Snooky is always a good last minute option), the would be FOOTBALL GENIUS animals continue their helmet to helmet mind numbing struggle to remain in their cages in this, THE WORLD'S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL. For this is a world of absolute equality. Even Mormons can be Scout Leaders here. There is only one rule that the celestial universe of LMS demands: Just win, baby,win. Time for this week's numbers:

4729 OUT, 11 DQ'D, 2065 IN. 963 RAVENS, 335 SAINTS, 283 BRONCOS, 218 CHEFS, 145 SEAHAWKS, 78 FALCONS, 10 COWBOYS (bastards), 8 PATRIOTS, 7 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS, 7 49ERS, 3 TITANS, 3 NATIVE AMERICANS, 2 BEARS, and 3 lone wolf animals going for it all: 1 BUC, 1 COLT, and 1 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANT.

PICK OF THE WEEK HONOR goes to SOUTHERBELLE taking the Monday Night road dog Giants over the Cowboys. Nice. We'll all be thinking of you, SOUTHERBELLE. HUDSON gets honorable mention for taking Tampa Bay over the emerging Rams, and FLYING FALCONS gets mentioned here for being so stupid as to take a team that is on a bye this week. Hey, I don't make this stuff up.

That's all for this week. THE ZOOKEEPER will be traveling next week (for security reasons the details will not be published), so make sure you get your picks in on time and be patient waiting for results to be published. You just do your job, he'll do his. Don't worry about that witch. The Irish take on a powerful Navy squad this week (that's the UNITED STATES Navy, you know), looking to make it four in a row. R.I.P. to Howie Cunningham, June Cleaver, Boy, and our own beloved Mumbles. For them no more the blazing hearth shall burn, Or busy housewife ply her evening care. For thee, who mindful of the unhonored dead dost in these lines their artless tale relate, If chance, by lonely contemplation led, some kindred spirit shall inquire thy fate. Peace. Out.