The Virtual Dorm
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
-- Bad Pun
LMS XVII: Week 4 - Welcome to OctoberPosted: 2010-09-30
Here in the great Northeast, a now resurrected crisp morning air, with a hint of changing seasons reminding all the animals of their ephemeral nature, fills the gathering orange pumpkin brightness and scatters the falling leaves over the still excited cages. Cruelly hot Santa Ana winds on the other side of the country are keeping even the normally sedate animals restless in their cages, seeking naked ...
...relief from torturous night air still cooked long after the sun has fallen from dusky skies. Raging wind storms threaten to bring deluge to the shore from the southern seas, while the Mid-west farmers continue to lament the rain, and mountain folks catch the first snowfalls in the high country. Yes, we've reached that point in our journey where it is clearly autumn's turn to roll up on stage as the backdrop in this, THE WORLD'S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL.
You have travelled into October, pilgrims, glory seekers, and would be-football-genius animals. There can be no mistaking the distance you've conquered as measured by the planet's movement around our Helios. You remaining animals are just now entering the Goldilocks' Zone, but if you need more encouragement to emphasize the accomplishment of where you are in time, consider this: We have just seen the first 3 DQ's in LMS XVII.
BIZ 1 and BIZ 8 liked NEW ENGLAND'S performance so well in WEEK ONE, that they thought it surely prudent to take the PATRIOTS in WEEK THREE. Nice try BIZ (hint: they're really the same team). Not to be outdone, CLARK KENT made an extra super effort to change his original WEEK TWO selection from the SAINTS to the VIKINGS. He must have been so impressed with their performance that he took them again in WEEK THREE. (More of a Jimmy Olsen-like gaffe, CLARK. Maybe somebody tricked you into saying Vikings backwards three times?)
The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation people have once again missed an opportunity to recognize THE ZOOKEEPER for his efforts to help build and support more just, verdant, and peaceful cages, so I'm pretty sure you guys won't be on the genius grant list this year, either. Complain to PETA if you think you've been wronged.
THE ZOOKEEPER hates to see such animal stupidity, especially this early in the season. It usually doesn't bode well for the crop of cages as a whole. He was telling this to CADILLAC EDDIE, who was hiding out at THE VAN while on the lam from the Philadelphia Police over what, he assured all, were trumped up extortion charges over his role in some tow truck business shenanigans. The fact that EDDIE is a little person never entered into THE ZOOKEEPER'S perspective on EDDIE'S viewpoints, and he respected that EDDIE could pound the MUSCATEL with the best of them, and furthermore, had never sent a text message in his life.
"It's like this, ZOO" Eddie slurred slightly, "Some of these guys is just dopes. That's the way they were born to be." And with several dozen animals still refusing to be peacefully caged on time each week, THE ZOOKEEPER had to sadly admit to the possibility that there is no hope of redemption for many of these wretched animals. There will only be the inevitable beating and tossing from the cage for these animals. So it goes.
It's time for your numbers:
2659 OUT, 4143 IN, 3 DQ'D. 2200 SAINTS, 572 PACKERS (from the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field), 442 LIGHTNING BOLTS, 343 FALCONS, 275 COLTS, 116 J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS, 73 TITANS, 49 TEXANS, 41 EGGLES, 15 BENGALS, 4 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, 4 SEAHAWKS, 3 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS, 2 PATRIOTS, 3 DQ'D, and four lone wolf selections: 1 BEAR (oh my), 1 BILL (are you kidding?), 1 LAMB (curiouser and curiouser), 1 DOLPHIN.
PICK OF THE WEEK HONORS goes to GEO3 who has the Packers this week. While at first glance that seems a curious selection (a solid home team favorite, even when JOJOMOLS1 is going with the Bills!), you have to understand that a victory here will be GEO3's 37th consecutive victory in LMS competition. That's right, animals, 37. Respect this man. This two consecutive year champion hasn't missed a pick since WEEK TEN of 2007 (Saints took him down that year). A victory here would propel him into the All-Time consecutive victory leader, one ahead of the immortal CAPTAIN AMERICA with whom he is currently tied, and two ahead of the infamous STANKASS JOEY WAX, who's valiant run won't soon be forgotten. Good luck, GEO3!
HONORABLE MENTION: JOJOMOLS 1 - Bills, NUGUY - Bears, MAC ROCHESTER - Dolphins, and GARDEN STATE OF MIND - Dolphins. You guys weren't the ones who hung that Philippine Flag, were you?
That's all for this week,. Irish take their continuous improvement program on the road to B.C. THE ZOOKEEPER is rumored for a possible sighting. Look for him to be taking the burger challenge at the Eagle Deli. R.I.P. shouts go to George Blanda, Tony Curtis, and BINGO. You know the first two. The third was a giant of a friend to the working man and a champion fighter who will be missed from the cages. Peace to all. Out.