The Virtual Dorm
"Well, you must go 175 yourself." - the calm and instant reply to the comment "Did you see my date! He must weigh over 300 pounds!" made by a townie blind date describing one of our larger dorm buddies.
-- Andy, 1973
LMS XVII: Week 2 - Chaos EncircledPosted: 2010-09-17
Wednesday. It is the third day of the week in the Gregorian Calendar. It comes after Tuesday and before Thursday. It is named after the Anglo-Saxon god Woden, who was very popular back in the day. You might remember him as Wotan or Odin. He had many aliases and used to hang around with the speedy Mercury. For Richard Brautigan it was the day when the sun would shine grey. In nursery rhyme it was for the child who was full of woe (those of you who had the Chargers last week know what woe is)...
...Some of you older folks might remember that Wednesday is the day on which the sun and the moon were created.
Some of you younger folks might know it as "hump day" as it comes in the middle of the traditional Western 5 day work week.
Some of you even younger folks will have to Google "traditional Western 5 day work week" to understand what that is.
But it is clearly THEE day that THE ZOOKEEPER has set aside to rack and stack your cages.
Please help your sponsors get their picks to THE ZOOKEEPER by Wednesday so that he doesn't go stark raving mad. If not for the Muscatel, he'd be there now.
PICKS ARE DUE BY WEDNESDAY! GET IN YOUR CAGES ON TIME! SHOCK COLLARS WILL BE ISSUED TO THOSE WHO FAIL TO ABIDE!
Yes, THE ZOOKEEPER was at wits end (again, you Charger fans know where that is) this week struggling to get the animals caged in their proper places. If not for a timely delivery of premium Muscatel from Beau's Wine Bin in Oklahoma City (the official wine and spirit shoppe of the LMS), he might not have made it through the week. Those damn cheating zebras in the Bears' game were still heavy on his mind, but, luckily, every time he thought he was going to strap dynamite to his body, go postal on the animals, and set the VAN on fire, he he had the inspiration of JAR HEAD'S WIFE's Chiefs over Chargers pick to fall back on. It was a point of absolute clarity in the midst of an otherwise chaos filled week. William Blake wrote of mankind's ever expanding knowledge and awareness as the ability to ring chaos with logic and reason. Jim Morrison told us about breaking through that ring to the other side. JAR HEADS WIFE has shown us all the way.
And when the dust had lifted and men saw what had occurred......it looks like 6805 is the final number for LMS XVII. 1093 of you won't be joining us forward. Lots of changes, drops, adds, fixes, etc. to WEEK TWO, but I think we should have it right going forward. Please check your picks. SLUGGO has offered to take a split with all remaining animals after WEEK ONE, if anyone is interested. SLUGGO has a side job as Charlie Rangel's accountant.
But enough of this prattle. There are tea party victories to celebrate/lament, oil leaks to plug, hula hoops to master once again, and somebody has to stop by Reggie's house and pick up that Heisman trophy. You animals need this week's NUMBERS:
1093 OUT. 5712 IN. 2998 PACKERS (FROM THE FROZEN TUNDRA OF LAMBEAU FIELD), 920 COWBOYS (bastards), 476 FALCONS, 356 LIGHTNING BOLTS, 297 VIKINGS, 172 EGGLES, 143 SAINTS, 90 TITANS, 65 RAYDAHS, 48 PANTHERS, 37 COLTS, 19 CHEFS, 19 PATRIOTS, 15 TEXANS, 12 RAVENS, 7 BRONCOS, 7 LAMBS, 6 BROWNS, 4 SEA HAWKS, 4 NATIVE AMERICANS, 4 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, 3 BUCS, 2 BEARS (oh my), 2 BENGALS, 2 DOLPHINS, and four lone wolf selections - 1 CARDINAL, 1 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELER, 1 49ER, 1 LION.
PICK OF THE WEEK selection is spread over the four lone wolves. POTATO - at home as a 5 1/2 point Monday night dog with the 49ERS, AZ_GENEGOLD1 - on the road as a 6 1/2 point dog with the CARDINALS, GREENBAY 6 - at home with the 6 point dog LIONS, and TEAM MEXICO - on the road with the 5 1/2 point dog STEELERS. Good luck animals. (FYI: JAR HEADS WIFE is on the Packers this week).
That wraps it up for this week. Please get your picks in on time. Stewart and Colbert aren't the only two trying to restore sanity, and THE ZOOKEEPER really doesn't want to resort to violence to make you see the error of your ways. Coach Kelly has the boys on the road in East Lansing this weekend as the Irish look to continue their journey upwards. RIP Alphonsus Cassell. Peace. Out.