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LMS XVI: Week Eleven - Something in the Air

Posted: 2009-11-20

How does one know what is enough until one has known what is too much? It's a question that has plagued THE ZOOKEEPER (especially when stocking the weekly Muscatel supply), for years. Record cage population moving into WEEK ELEVEN in LMS XVI is dominating the weekly commentary received at THE VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

...Time continues to move on across the great celestial highway, and still a gaggle of animals remain in their cages. Mid-November's Leonid meteor showers have peaked and still these animals rage on in record setting style. THE ZOOKEEPER's stock of government supplied cheese and Eggos to feed these beasts has dwindled to a quarter of what it normally is at this time of year, his Muscatel consumption is at previously unsurpassed levels, and still the little bastards cling to their hopes and dreams.

What's to be done with these animals? Annoying curs, they continue to nip away like pirates who won't leave the Maersk Alabama alone. They rattle and prattle on with all the puffery and noise of their self proclaimed genius prognostication abilities. They are like tin cans tied to THE ZOOKEEPER's tail, mocking and stalking him like old age in the mirror's reflection. Like Sarah Palin, they just won't go away. THE ZOOKEEPER's mailbox is now overflowing with their suggestions as to what to do with this population explosion, and their self professed sage advise and concern over what has gone wrong with THE WORLD'S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL. These geniuses are certain that there will be "too many" diplomas handed out come WEEK SEVENTEEN graduation ceremonies, thus, in their view, somehow cheapening what has always been (and should be) an exalted experience.

Relax, animals. It's WEEK ELEVEN. Seven weeks to go. Yes, there are some really bad teams out there, but choices are dwindling and the chilly nights of November's false summer warn of the winter storms ahead. Something is in the air. Something is definitely in the air.

Albert Camus once noted that there is only one serious philosophical problem and that is suicide. Deciding whether or not life is worth living amounts to answering this one fundamental question of philosophy. Apparently QUEEN and THE PENALTY BOX decided that aspiring to the lofty goal of football genius wasn't worth the the philosophical effort any more. Yet more Double Selection cageicide was discovered in WEEK TEN, and now we have two more DQ's added to the heap. The rest of the cages have decided to embrace life, for now. Check them out in this week's numbers parade:

5030 OUT, 13 DQ'D, 1649 IN. 346 COWBOYS (I've warned you about them), 317 BENGALS, 217 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS (bastards), 182 JAGGYWIRES, 180 CARDINALS, 151 PATRIOTS, 110 SAINTS, 107 VIKINGS, 13 PACKERS from the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, 13 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, 10 LIONS (oh, my), and 3 lone wolf selections - 1 PANTHER, 1 RAYDAH, 1 TEXAN.

PICK OF THE WEEK HONORS focuses on UNCLE VINNIE taking the 3 point home favorite Panthers over Ronnie Brown-less Dolphins (nice lone pick, Vinnie), ZOOLANDER (easy there with the copyright infringement, big boy) taking the 9 1/2 point home dog Raiders (?????) and NUNNY + N ( I didn't know symbols were allowed here) giving us all reason to stay up late on Monday to watch the 4 1/2 point home favorite Texans. Nice lone pick, NUNNY. Clearly ZOOLANDER gets the nod this week, but hold your ticket until this one is confirmed, UNCLE VINNIE.

That's it for this week. Once again the people at People Magazine ignored THE ZOOKEEPER and went with Johnny Depp as the sexiest man alive. So it goes. The Irish host the always tough Huskies (yes, the Huskies) of UCONN while loyal sons and daughters will be waiting for word out of Swarbrick's office. IT'S THANKSGIVING WEEK COMING UP. PLEASE GET YOUR PICKS IN BY WEDNESDAY. IF YOU ARE GOING TO GRAMMY'S HOUSE OR THE IN-LAWS FOR THE TURKEY, DON'T FORGET TO SEND YOUR PICKS BEFORE DOING SO, AND DON'T FORGET TO INCLUDE ANY ATTACHMENTS NEEDED. Safe journeys to all. Peace. Out.