The Virtual Dorm
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-- Steve Martin
LMS XVI: Week Ten - The Animals Continue to Shock and AmazePosted: 2009-11-13
It's like the insanity of knocking off the entire jug of Muscatel in one sitting, chasing it down with some Red Bull, and then gobbling up the entire brick of cheese while not expecting to feel any differently the next morning. Every time THE ZOOKEEPER thinks that the animals can't be more pesty than they have been, they continue to surprise
...WEEK NINE saw 3 More DQ's. MAC MAX and I'M A MORAL HAZARD just couldn't resist taking the Packers for a second time (hey, they won the first time with those picks), so they were officially DQ'D before they were shaken loose from their cages by the enigmatic Lambeaux lollygaggers - an important distinction to note for those of you keeping score at home (oh, you lonely animals) as those who are DQ'D finish in 3rd place, not 2nd. Meanwhile, BIZ 4 showed continuing memory decline in his old age by forgetting that he had used his Patriot pick in WEEK ONE. He thought that happened such a long time ago that it didn't really matter anymore. It did, BIZ.
But the best of last week's sad animal tales was the DENVER CHEF's argument to change his Dolphins pick, after the game was played.
It seems that DENVER CHEF sent a message to his sponsor on Saturday that, as THE ZOOKEEPER had predicted, there had been a terrible mistake and he never intended to send in the 10 1/2 point road dog Dolphins. Alas his sponsor was not home on Saturday and THE ZOOKEEPER never received his message, so Sunday's games went off without a change being made. He was caged with the Dolphins. With great sincerity and email thread arguments attempting to sway the case in his favor, he posited his position forcefully for consideration. Sadly for him, however, in the end, THE ZOOKEEPER's justice was as swift as it was finite - the game played is the game caged. What your sponsor cages you with, animals, is what you will live and die with. COME ON ANIMALS ! IT'S WEEK 10 FOR THE LOVE OF LARRY JOHNSON !! CHECK YOUR PICKS EARLY AND OFTEN. While this case had unique perspective in that this animal had attempted to change his pick with his sponsor, THE ZOOKEEPER determined that fact to be ultimately inconsequential. The pick was never changed. Oh, and one more fine point on this matter - he was trying to change his Dolphin pick to the Packers.
But wait! There's more!
DR. FUNKY 1 sent in his pick to his sponsor as the Packers, but his sponsor accidently sent in the Falcons. You guessed it - what's good for the goose is good for the gander. He owned the Falcons last week and so remains alive to pick another week. You want fair? There's a big one in Syracuse every year. Deal with it, animals.
You can probably imagine how much THE ZOOKEEPER can't wait to clean all of these cages by now. Nine down and eight to go. This week's numbers:
4947 OUT, 11 DQ'D, 1734 IN. 734 VIKINGS, 396 DOLPHINS, 269 SAINTS, 129 CARDINALS, 94 RAVENS, 60 BRONCOS, 27 TITANS (they're back!), 17 J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS, 4 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS, 2 RAYDAHS, and two lone wolf aspirants - 1 FALCON and 1 COWBOY.
PICK OF THE WEEK HONORS comes down to JUDD taking the 3 point visiting favorite Cowboys in Green Bay, and SCALZI RAY taking 2 point visiting favorite Falcons at Carolina. Two pretty good horses to run down the stretch with for a miracle finish. Kind of like Rachel Alexandra and Zenyatta squaring off here. Good luck animals.
That's it for this week. Please check your picks. Nobody is on the Thursday night game in San Fran, so you will have until first game time Sunday to change any mistakes listed. Otherwise, I really don't care to hear how the dog ate your homework. The Irish have the always tough Pitt Panthers on the road. Perhaps somebody with a real masters degree from St. John's will step up soon. R.I.P. Al Cervi and Doug Hoagie - SUBDIVISION - we hardly knew ye. Peace. Out.