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-- Age 15
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Blue Gray Sky

LMS XVI: Week Nine - They've Reached the Far Turn

Posted: 2009-11-06

Welcome to November. The leaves have mostly fallen, the air turns colder, morning frost blankets the cages, darkness comes quicker, and the Galilean Moons of Jupiter now herald the coming of the winter stars. Orion is climbing higher each night and Big Bird turns 40

...It's all downhill from here, animals. THE WORLD'S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL has moved past the 1/2 way marker.

And still these wannabe football geniuses cling to their cages like dingleberries surrounding THE ZOOKEEPER's moon. Shadowy men with serious faces have taken to visiting THE VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER at odd hours creating rumors of secret rendition plans as a last resource to oust these animals from their snug little cages. This week it will be the birds of paradise flying with hopeful wings. Catastrophic predictions run rampant amongst the second place watchful who continue to wait with waning patience for the big droppings they know will surely come, while the still caged animals bask in their brilliance with cautiously skyward glances, perhaps shielded by those newly purchased $30 World Series Yankees' hats - the kind that Spike Lee wears. Protective eye wear is recommended for all this week.

Congratulations to KPW 3 who became our record setting 8th DQ of the season when he decided to double up on the Bears in WEEK EIGHT. When informed of his need to exit his cage, he protested, "Didn't they win?" To further distinguish himself, it was then reported that he attempted to bribe THE ZOOKEEPER to buy his cage spot back (the offer was way too low). Welcome to the LMS Hall of Shame, KPW.

No time for frivolity now. Let's get it on. This week's numbers:

4647 OUT. 8 DQ'D. 2,037 geniuses still in. 776 FALCONS, 523 SEAHAWKS, 290 PACKERS from the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, 235 SAINTS, 128 PATRIOTS, 46 JAGGYWIRES, 25 COLTS, 6 49ERS, 2 CARDINALS, 2 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, and 4 lone wolf selections: a DOLPHIN, a BRONCO, a BENGAL, and an EAGLE.

PICK OF THE WEEK HONORS goes to LTONE riding the Bengals a 3 point home dog against the Ravens, GOKEY waiting for Monday night on the 3 point home dog Broncos, and VEGAS VIC (love that name) on the 3 point home favorite Eagles. Nice pick, Vic. And then, of course, there is the DENVER CHEF who is caged with those Dolphins. WEEK NINE and somebody takes the Dolphins in New England as a 10 1/2 dog? I guess I'll be waiting for a correction on that one or else I don't know JACK SCHITT about this game.

That's it for this week. NOTE: attached file has eliminated the OUTS (getting too big), but you should keep them in your reporting files each week. The DQ's will remain showing in order to humiliate those who are so desperately deserving of that shame. THE ZOOKEEPER would like to thank all 957 who wrote in last week to correct the fact that the Washington State team is the Cougars, not the Huskies. It was a staff error and the responsible person has been terminated with extreme prejudice. This week the Irish have the always tough Navy sailing down the St. Joe River to South Bend. That's the UNITED STATES NAVY we're talking about - always tough. Wash your hands frequently, animals. Peace. Out.

ZK