CyberZahm

Once again the majority of the cages rested comfortably in the cradle of their sheer football genius in WEEK FIVE, holding these still clinging animals as snug and warm as an Arizonian sweat lodge wrapped in the confidence of their prognostication brilliance. Like Falcon Heene, the helium balloon boy, they continue to seemingly float easily along over the rest of the mundane cage population, aspiring ever higher in their superior status, like AIG and Wall Street bonuses soaring back to rightfully deserved places.

... They remain well ahead of their less fortunate now cageless neighbors who have proven that they don't know JACK SCHITT about football in the first five weeks of this, THE WORLD'S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL.

Unfortunately, not all of the animals were given permission to advance past GO in this game of chance. Olympia Snowe may know that when history calls, history calls, but EL ROJO and SIXBALLS learned that history calling twice in the LMS is equivalent to nature calling at an inopportune time. Giants and Cowboys are pretty good teams, but you just can't like them that much. EL ROJO pleaded for mercy, invoking prayers for THE ZOOKEEPER to be guided by the spirit of light in this holy season of Diwali, but there would be no worshipping of the sacred cows here. Nirvana remained a distant place for him as THE ZOOKEEPER's love and mercy was more of the catholic grade school variety delivered by Sister Mary Elephant. Knuckle bleeding rapping was the order of the day. SIXBALLS took his DQ'ng like a man.

ANIMALS: YOU MUST CHECK YOUR PICKS BEFORE GAME TIME. IF THE ZOOKEEPER MAKES A MISTAKE (it could happen, the fog of Muscatel can sometimes be paralyzing) TRANSFERRING WHAT WAS SENT, IT CAN BE FIXED. IF YOUR SPONSOR MAKES A MISTAKE IN THE SENDING, IT IS WHAT YOU WILL LIVE WITH IF NOT CHANGED BEFORE GAME TIME.

SPONSORS: IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT YOU COPY YOUR ANIMALS WHEN YOU SEND IN THEIR PICKS SO THAT THEY CAN CHECK AT THAT TIME.

Enough. Charlie Rangel has given his assurance that all reporting numbers for this week are now accurately accounted for. Here they are:

3225 OUT. 7 DQ'D. 3460 IN. 1157 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS, 715 EGGLES, 681 PACKERS FROM THE FROZEN TUNDRA OF LAMBEAU FIELD, 369 J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS, 363 JAGGYWIRES, 135 PATRIOTS, 14 BENGALS, 8 NATIVE AMERICANS, 6 PANTHERS, 3 VIKINGS, 3 BRONCOS, 2 FALCONS, 2 SEAHAWKS, and two lone wolf selections, 1 LIGHTNING BOLT and 1 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANT.

PICK OF THE WEEK HONORS goes to the two single choice flyers: BIG RED MACHINE taking the 3 point home favorite Chargers in a Monday nighter, and DANCES WITH PENCIL taking the New York Football Giants as a 3 point road dog in New Orleans. Nice teams for lone selections, but interesting usages of those teams in these games. I guess it beats a sharp poke in the eye with a pudding eating utensil.

That's all for this week. ND looks to give Traveler a rest this week. At least this time they won't have cheating Reggie Bush shoving his head up Matt Leinard's butt at the goal line. R.I.P. Johnny Fontane and Captain Lou. Animals just wanna have fun. That's all they really want to do. Peace. Out.