The Virtual Dorm
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
-- Steven Wright?
LMS XV WEEK FIFTEEN - 6442 OUT, 1 DQ'D, 186 INPosted: 2008-12-11
MONEY DON'T GET EVERYTHING IT'S TRUE.
WHAT IT DON'T GET I CAN'T USE.
SO GIMME MONEY (THAT'S WHAT I WANT)
A LITTLE MONEY (THAT'S WHAT I WANT)
"I've got this cage," anonymous animal voice #5 threatened into the phone call that THE ZOOKEEPER had secretly taped, "and it's bleeping golden...
ZK just laughed, slugged down the latest tranche release of his Muscatel stock, and hung up. Maybe that crap works in some lesser circles of power, but you cannot buy or bully your way to LMS glory. You must win, baby, win. There are no corporate board favors waiting for you animals here. Not even gun toting OJ Gang Members, or the proceeds from Jacko's Neverland gates, or Ugly Betty's pleas for a little hand out can help you out of this debt that you owe to Dame Fortune and Lord Fame. You must simply choose wisely, caged ones.
Like the usual crew out for nickel Tsing Tao night in a Mongkok Town bar on a Saturday night, 186 of the best and brightest continue to remain firmly entrenched in their crowded cages, clinging with stubborn resistance, refusing to succumb to the pressures that have felled lesser would-be champions, (the once confident animals who are now confirmed to know JACK SCHITT about football). Onward into WEEK FIFTEEN, the army of the caged continues on, ignoring the persistent pestering of that haunting, giant sucking sound, (the whining of their second place finished brother and sister animals). Onward they continue, ignoring the specter of failure that continuously gnaws at their heels, like Charlie Weis on a ham sandwich. Three weeks to go and still the pride of the pool cling to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast. Reminiscent of a Chicago politician peddling political favors on the South side of town, or Harris Smith in search of a quiet, out of the way, emergency room, they stumble on. Football genius immortality is now just a few desperate steps ahead in their sight.
And so, as WEEK FOURTEEN fades slowly into the rear view mirror of LMS XV dreams with a puny nine cages getting scrubbed, the grand prize in THE WORLD'S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL looms ever closer for the still picking ones. How easy this challenge remains for true football geniuses, refusing to move out of their cages now with all the resolve of a good window and door crew . What can be done with all of them? Where do they find their strength? Have they been taking brain boosting pills to enhance their skills? One thing is certain: nobody's calling in gay this week. Into the future they step with all the certainty of a Big 3 automaker CEO. This week's numbers are here for your continued enjoyment:
6442 OUT, 1 DQ'D, 186 IN. 80 COLTS, 44 EGGLES, 24 PATRIOTS, 17 NATIVE AMERICANS, 10 J-E-T-S BRETTS, BRETTS, BRETTS, 6 DOLPHINS, 3 LIGHTNING BOLTS, and 2 TITANS.
SIESTA KEY MAN and BTB CUBED are riding on the 3 1/2 road favorite Titans this week for individual recognition, but PICK OF THE WEEK honors goes to DIMPLED BALLS who showed signs of desperation when he jumped off the Patriots to go for the Native Americans on the road. ZOOKEEPER loves it when the animals show fear and indecision.
That's all for this week. Get your tickets to Hawaii now. Rumor has it that a couple of porkers will be roasted at this luau. Oh, poi. LMS Christmas Gift Certificates still available at full price. Get them while they last. Christmas Greeting shouts out to BUZZMAN and SPITTER. Peace. Out.