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LMS XV WEEK NINE - 6135 OUT, 1 DQ, 493 IN

Posted: 2008-11-01

THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF WAY OUT OF HERE
SAID THE JOKER TO THE THIEF
THERE'S TOO MUCH CONFUSION
I CAN'T GET NO RELIEF
----- B. DYLAN

Welcome to the cool air of November, still caged ones, where the temperature is as cool as Snow Lilly's concern for Zero's advances. As we speed along on our seasonal journey into the unknown abyss of pigskin prognostication, the calendar is telling us that we will soon be viewing the Full Beaver Moon, coolly traveling at the usual cosmological pace of time within the LMS...

...Remaining animals are to be given credit for clinging to their cages this long into the trip, but caution is now advised as turbulence is expected ahead. Cloris Leachman and Zero should be so lucky.

From previous cage recordings, we know that November's dying, wind-swept leaves are harbingers of the coming winter. The days of frozen swamps and soon to be frosty moon lit nights lie just ahead, as certain as Joe Wurzelbacher's first country and western recording, but first comes the test of October's final Halloween weekend. Be careful, animals, it's very scary out there. Watch out for ghosts, goblins, gremlins and ghouls this weekend; spirits from beyond the pale of our civilized collection of football geniuses, playing havoc with fumbled snaps, bobbled balls, missed field goals, and the potential for corruption in the replay review booth - or maybe it will be those Lions lying in wait in the LMS jungle, ready to spring their Bear trap. There is much to fear. Surviving WEEK EIGHT has left you in position to now hurdle the obstacles of WEEK NINE, taking you past the half-way mark of this, THE WORLD'S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL, but, be aware that things will change from here on out, animals. Picks will no longer be as certain to you. Wednesday night deadlines will come faster than a drop in the GDP. This pool will soon be no place for the timid of soul and weak of heart. Take some advice if you can't handle the pressure: Sell your spot to another at a small profit now if you don't think you have what it takes to continue forward. The sub-prime market in cages has never been stronger. There is no shame in walking away, taking your profit, and declaring victory now. Otherwise, should you decide to chance your fate, you have been fairly warned.

Meanwhile in the VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER, after drinking coffee for four hours and chasing that down with eight hours of Muscatel and a couple of Red Bulls, THE ZOOKEEPER, like all other CEO's of America's major financial institutions, was doing his best to finagle a way to take advantage of the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 for the personal gain and benefit of the animals. Sure there are no troubled assets here, but the cages have dipped below the 500 level and certain loop holes in the legislation, broadly defined, could certainly be viewed as deserving of a little more than the government cheese he's been living off for all of these years. After all, following in the wake of our political leaders, isn't taking care of yourself the American thing to do? Second Place animals will be pleased to know that he is lobbying for stop-loss measures that will see them re-installed with retroactive bail out protection on the theory that if a couple of billion is going to be handed out, why not have the cages get their cut? Everyone knows that the LMS is too big an institution to allow for it to fail. Check out the impact of this week's numbers and the effect they may have on your economic well being:

6135 TIED FOR SECOND PLACE. 1 DQ. 493 IN. 342 DA BEARS, 42 EGGLES, 34 JAGGYWIRES, 24 BUCS, 15 BRONCOS, 12 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, 10 BILLS, 4 FALCONS, 3 TITANS, 3 BROWNS, 3 COLTS and 1 lone VIKING.

PICK OF THE WEEK goes to CORK taking the Vikings, a 4 1/2 home favorite over the Texans to win it all. Good luck with your plans to improve your credit position, CORK.

That's it for this week. The Irish are home against the always tough Pittsburgh Panthers. Never take lightly a city that ends in a "gh". Keep the faith, animals, and don't forget to vote. It will make you feel good about yourself and you may get lucky. Peace. Out.

ZK