The Virtual Dorm
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-- Steven Wright
LMS XV WEEK FIVE - 5368 OUT, 1261 INPosted: 2008-10-07
IN THEIR STIES WITH ALL THEIR BACKING
THEY DON'T CARE WHAT GOES ON AROUND
IN THEIR EYES THERE'S SOMETHING LACKING
WHAT THEY NEED'S A DAMN GOOD WHACKING
PIGGIES - GEORGE HARRISON
THE ZOOKEEPER is missing from the VAN this week. Rumor has it that he has parachuted...
In his absence, his VAN staff has put together this compilation of recent LETTERS TO THE ZOOKEEPER that may give you some insight into just how much he suffers for you animals. Yes, they are real letters received from real animals. Some of the names have been changed to protect their offspring. Read on:
DEAR ZOOKEEPER: Four weeks have gone by and the cages have been reduced by almost 81%. An incredible 4 out of 5 animals are OUT. I think that you should start up a secondary pool for those of us who were the victims of early games where it is too hard for anyone to know who to take. There are 3 months still to go in the season and I think you should do this. signed, CUPCAKE.
DEAR ZOOKEEPER: This week I would like to take the Phillies. Thank you, MOMOFTHREE
DEAR ZOOKEEPER: I'm very worried about the state of our economy. In fact, I'm planning on winning this LMS pool in order to retire next year. Can you guarantee me that the LMS money will be there for me? signed, WALTER.
DEAR ZOOKEEPER: I have a question for you. Each week I see that my friend Paul is listed as OUT. Shouldn't he be disqualified for taking the same pick more than once? signed, GOCAPS
DEAR ZOOKEEPER: I was reading last week that the MacArthur Foundation genius grants were handed out, and I was surprised that your name was not listed. Do these people not recognize your greatness? signed, BROWNNOSER
DEAR ZOOKEEPER: My SPONSOR asked me last week who I wanted to take for WEEK FOUR by Wednesday night, and I told him that I wasn't going to answer through the filter of his main stream media questioning. He gave me the Broncos, and he now he tells me that I am OUT. I shouldn't have to answer such a "gotcha' questions like that, should I? signed, BARRACUDA.
DEAR ZOOKEEPER: I am curious. I just found out that a cousin of mine is in this same pool and he lives in Arizona (I live in New Jersey), and I have a friend who plays from Pennsylvania. How many branch VANS do you have? signed, NOSEY
DEAR ZOOKEEPER: Why don't you just shut up and give us the numbers? signed, MRS.. ZOOKEEPER
1261 IN. 5368 OUT. 710 COWBOYS, 339 PANTHERS, 37 PACKERS (from the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field), 37 LIGHTNING BOLTS, 36 COLTS (bastards), 31 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, 27 DA BEARS, 12 BRONCOS, 7 PATRIOT CHEATERS, 6 SAINTS, 6 EGGLES, 3 RAVENS, 3 BILLS, 3 JAGGYWIRES, 2 TITANS, 1 NATIVE AMERICAN, 1 CHEF.
PICK OF THE WEEK comes down to MAC WAVE on the 6 point road dog Native Americans in Philadelphia, and MAC MAN on the 10 point road dog Chefs in Carolina. Looks like a couple of MAC groupies are waving the white flag of surrender? Good luck animals.
That's all for this week. The Irish take on the crafty Cardinal in South Bend on Saturday. Just win, baby, win. Peace. Out.