CyberZahm

LMS XV WEEK FOUR - 4088 OUT, 2541 IN

The time of the Harvest Moon is a special time in the cages...

...In history, the ancient Druids gave this time a name and called it, "Alban Elfed". This is a time when the fall season bursts upon us in all of its green-gold-red splendor, and a time that holds that day when the moon rises within one half hour after the sun sets. It is a time when there are equal hours of darkness and light. In earlier days, before the animals had cell phones with customized ring tones, and email accounts, and hopes of worthwhile retirement savings unencumbered by sub-prime mortgage derivatives, and the Mets had a bullpen that threw harder than Babe Ruth's daughter, the animals needed this time of light on Wednesday evenings to first get their crops in, and then run to the nearest telegraph office to get their picks in to the ZOOKEEPER on time. They were good animals, and they did so without complaining.

This time also celebrates the birthday of the Welsh god, Mabon (or Mabon of Modron to those of you keeping score at home), whom some of you animals may know as the Son of Light. In Welsh mythology, this is the time when the god of darkness, Goronwy, defeats the god of light, Llew (these names almost sound like Sarah Palin's kids, don't they?), and takes his place as King of the world. The Druids celebrated this time by offering libations of ciders, wines, and other such fermented brews to the trees (Muscatel had not yet been perfected). The Druids also made sure that they got their picks in on time, and they also were well behaved animals.

In the LMS world, we know this time for the celebration of the passing balance when there are more animals OUT of their cages than there are animals still IN their cages, a truly wondrous milestone event each year. The LMS name for this celebration is WEEK FOUR, and the ZOOKEEPER continues to celebrate its arrival in the spirit of the traditional manner by offering libations to the trees around THE VAN. In this more modern version of the ritual, the processing of most of the fermented sacrifice first passes through the kidneys before hitting the trees, but the tradition does continue.

Yes, there was sacrificial blood in the cages again in WEEK THREE and it wasn't just Wall Street bankers leaping from their cages. It was not nearly as much damage and destruction as the frenzied animal cages were clamoring for when the Bills' and Giant's were lying on the altar of elimination late in their games, but when it was over, nearly 900 now second place finishers had to publicly admit that they don't know JACK SCHITT about football, and then take that walk of shame past the rows of recently cleaned cages. (Patriots. Bastards).

Surviving with that Bills/Giants caged bunch of 1700 nearly second place finishers was a giant of an animal of now legendary genius status - the new LMS consecutive victory champion - STANK ASS JOEY WAX. SAJW goes into this week's contests with 37 straight under his belt. One and Done animals can only imagine such rare air. In a classy move, the first to congratulate JOEY was CAPTAIN AMERICA who had held the record at 36. The cages are awed to be in the company of such football geniuses. Perhaps Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke could use their services.

And so our work in the cages continues. Nobody slows down this process. Even as Wall Street whiners are contemplating how to pull off the mother of all bail outs, there will be no suspension of activities for our animals. Multi-tasking is a must for our genius candidates. Hang in there like David Blaine, animals, your executive compensation awaits. Here are your numbers:

4088 OUT, 2541 IN. 827 BRONCOS, 527 JAGGYWIRES, 426 COWBOYS, 188 LIGHTNING BOLTS, 185 BILLS, 169 PANTHERS, 111 SAINTS, 36 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS, 35 TITANS, 14 BENGALS, 6 EGGLES, 6 J-E-T-S BRETTS BRETTS BRETTS, 3 BROWNS, 2 CARDINALS, and a batch of lone wolf picks: 1 49ER, 1 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANT, 1 SEAHAWK, 1 PACKER, 1 RAVEN, and 1 VIKING.

PICK OF THE WEEK comes down to some tough choices amongst those lone wolves (who have done pretty darn well so far this year), but this week's fame goes to FESTER taking the 5 point road dog 49ER's in Nawlins, and JOHNNY SUNKIST going with the 5 1/2 point road dog Ravens in Pittsburgh on Monday night. Good luck guys, if this doesn't work out I'm sure that there is work waiting for you two as talking heads on Sunday mornings.

STANK ASS JOEY WAX WATCH: He likes the Broncos.

SPONSOR NOTICE: ZK will be having a tight schedule next week. Don't panic if you don't get your "caged" response as prompt as always on Wednesday night. Just do your thing. You know the drill. Win, baby, win.

That's it for this week, animals. Charlie Weis brings his laptop home against the Boilermakers this week in the battle for Indiana. Hope Letterman doesn't get upset over the results. Peace. Out.

ZK