The Virtual Dorm

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
-- Bad Pun
Roto Baseball
Roto Basketball
Roto Golf
Roto Nascar
Photo Galleries
News Archives
Classic Essays
Discussion Threads

Zahm Hall
Notre Dame
ND Alumni
ND Sports
Kelly Green
Blue Gray Sky

Fearless Football Predictions

Posted: 2008-09-07

Here they are! Each of these fearless predictions was made before the 2008 season started. Who will win the coveted first place prize? Certainly not the Wisconsin Whiner who wouldn't even play ..

The original challenge:

Here ye here ye, one and all.

Announcing Fox's 2nd annual ND season prediction contest.

Are you man enough to enter? .. confident in your prognostication prowess? .. not scared to go up against the preseason favorite from Kenosha (but the wiener didn't enter)?

Please send, by August 30th, a single paragraph of no more than 300 words with your prediction for the upcoming season. I'll post them for all to admire on the CZ News Site.

Come the end of the season a set of impartial judges will evaluate all the entries based on a weighted scale that includes entertainment value ("CW will clear the bench by the third game just so he can sit down"), accuracy ("they will lose badly to Mich State, lose a squeaker to USC, and win the rest of the games by an average of 4 points"), grammar and spelling ([not] "season be it good and vary happy winnings"), boldness ([not] "they will win every game in which they score more points than the other team") and just how all around good they are or should I say were. The winner will get a really amazing, yet so far undetermined, prize and will be featured on CyberZahm News!



No need to make your predictions public but just to get things started I predict a 7-5 year (WWLLWLWWWWLL) plus a loss in a 2nd tier bowl game that we probably shouldn't have been invited to.

I spent an amazing amount of time studying preseason publications, summer practice news items, and new millennium trends to arrive at this prognostication.

What do YOU think?


I predict that:
  • We will win more games than we lose
  • We will not lose more than 2 in a row
  • Our total points in games we win will be less than our total points in our losses
  • Gabes will not be happy with the team's progress, but will cheer at the end of the year when..
  • The FFF gets fired.

I saw Lou Holz on ESPN predict that ND will win 11. That's ELEVEN games this year. He was talking football, not basketball

He says that ND isn't a great team but will be better than 11 teams on their schedule.... He factored in that several teams are rebuilding (Purdue, MSU, Michigan) or just plain shitty like Syracuse

Lou. He da man.

John A.


Here's what my crystal ball says about ND's 2008 football fortunes--

  • SDSU--W--because my daughter and grandson will be there
  • MU----W--Gabes' buddy finally decides to kick a 24 yard field goal in the last minute to win the game
  • MSU---L--Tom Cruise can't handle the truth, and ND can't handle MSU's running game (again).
  • PU-----W--3 and 0 at home???, ND's secondary comes of age
  • Stan---W--4 and 0 at home???, O line learns how to cut (block) some trees
  • NC-----L--an ambush in Chapel Hill
  • WU----W--Ty double bogies another one, resigns to attend Andy McDermott's "You Can Putt Better When You're Stoned" Golf Academy
  • Pitt----L---The Saints went marching in, but Pittsburgh came out with the win
  • BC-----L---Beantown becomes choke city--Tenuta performs hindlick maneuver on CW
  • Navy--W--A streak of one, bowl eligible, big whoop
  • Syr----W--A scrimmage before the BIG game
  • u$c----L---Irish have now been toasted on both coasts
ND goes to a low tier bowl game against a MAC team and get clocked, CW is put on notice-- A National Championship in 2009 or you're back to the No Fun League.

The crystal ball is old and cracked, so it could be wrong...... ND could win them all!

Buzzard Bill


First, a disclaimer: I don't know Jack Schitt about football. Now, on to my predictions:

How can anyone predict what this football team will win? They have NEVER shown any signs of consistency of success yet. Last year the team was pathetic. Didn't we rank below 100, one of the WORST teams in the country? Terrible. Are we to believe the "hype" from self-promoting magazines that tout the stars of tomorrow and ND's recruiting success? Are we to believe that freshman or even sophomores, can step in and play against big time NCAA football teams? Is Charlie Weis really that bad? And has he successfully "removed" himself from the game day stuff to let better talent handle those responsibilities?

Ok. Now my predictions:

  • 9-06 SDSU - They bring some quick guys but ND handles them with a ball control offense that works against a smaller team. W
  • 9-13 MICHIGAN - Hurting from their first game loss to Utah, the Wolverines come to play but a charged up Irish team wins a close one at home. Irish fans are pumped. W
  • 9-20 MICHIGAN STATE - They beat us when we are good. Why won't they beat us at home when we are bad? Back to reality. L
  • 9-27 PURDUE - Boilermakers come into S.Bend and take the wind out of the Irish season. Fans start calling for FFC's head. L
  • 10-04 STANFORD - ND bounces back proving that hope springs eternal. W
  • 10-11 N. CAROLINA - ND wins another against an outmatched opponent. Irish fans start to believe the hype again. W
  • 10-25 WASHINGTON - Willingham really does suck more than Charlie. Back to the pump, Ty. W
  • 11-1 PITT - Irish at home with yet another victory. I do believe, I do believe, I do believe. C'mon! You want Tinkerbelle to die? W
  • 11-08 BC - Was that Glen Foley at QB again? Damn Jesuits. L
  • 11-15 NAVY - Not this time, swabbies. All their good guys are stationed in the Caspian Sea as Pootie challenges Obama. W
  • 11-22 SYRACUSE - ND may have sucked for the last 15 years, but Syracuse REALLY sucks. W
  • 11-29 USC - At least it isn't a blow out. Irish finish with a moral victory. L
Total result: 8-4. Enough to get a holiday bowl bid. Irish win their first bowl game since ISC went to certificate based PKI. W


Ok, Ok.

We'll be 8-4 with 9-3 a possibility if we start 2-1. Losses will be Michigan or Michigan State or both; SC and North Carolina.

The schedule looks better for us than last year. Team chemistry will be better. Last year's team just didn't mesh; too much uncertainty as to leadership, particularly with the QB fiasco. Charlie outsmarted himself there.

The SDSU will tell us next to nothing on the upside. Running the ball consistently will again be the key, which gets back to our offensive line being the key. If they blow, we blow. If they're solid, we're solid.

Defense will be 6.5 on a scale of 1-10.



Here are my ND football predictions:

  1. ND will win at least 7 games;
  2. ND will score at least 240 points during the regular season;
  3. ND's opponents will score at least 240 points during the regular season;
  4. ND will defeat at least one team ranked in the top 10 during the week prior to the game;
  5. Michael Floyd will catch at least 35 passes, at least 4 of which will be for touchdowns.
Please! Only two micromini skirted ladies as part of the second place prize this year. There IS such a thing as too much of a good thing.


I don't usually do this sort of thing but I'll play the game this time. Here are my predictions for the season, uncontrolled for injuries, etc.
  • SDSU: Fairly easy win, 38-14
  • Michigan: Hopefully, they'll get by Miami of Ohio at home this weekend. This will be a tight dogfight. We win, 16-13.
  • At Michigan State: If recent history holds, we win on the road. It won't. First loss. MSU 28-17.
  • Purdue: A minor shootout. We win, 31-28.
  • Stanford: We're starting to gain a little mo'. Another W, 27-17.
  • At North Carolina: Pretty coeds, big road win, 35-21.
  • At Washington: Early struggles but we prevail, 31-21.
  • Pittsburgh: Wannstadt continues to underachieve. Pitt RB has a big day but ND prevails 42-31.
  • At BC: Very good, close game that BC pulls out in the 4thQ. Would not, however, surprise me if we spring an upset here. BC 28-24.
  • Navy (Baltimore): Team will look sluggish for the first series or two, then turn on the jets and destroy Navy, 56-21.
  • Syracuse: My hometown boys need The Express, Ernie Davis. But not even he can beat ND today. We win big. 56-7.
  • At USC: They're still one of the top programs in the country. We want to be them…but we're still not there…not yet. USC 35-21.
For the year, 9-3. gator Bowl or some similar 2nd tier bowl, where we go in hungry and win big. Announcers starting babbling about how "ND is back!!!"

Less painful than I thought…TE


My predictions are these:

In times that we all recall and expect, we would all be predicting that ND would be undefeated rolling into USC. The schedule includes many of the typical scoundrels, but many are having rebuilding years (MICH, PURDUE, MSU, BC), just not quite as good as ND even in a good year (NC, PITT, NAVY, WASH), or are plain awful (SYR, SAN DIEGO). And no Penn State!

What a set up for a great ND squad! But here we are. Nobody knows if we will be shitty again or upgrade our play to mediocre or even good. Playing great seems out of reach. I say we will be GOOD, not great.


ND will win 8 games.

ND’s performance will not please Gabes, who will start his tirade after the MI game. FOUR LOSSES!!

Sobo will stay quiet at first, but will be willing to give Charlie another season.

Albert will blame the Clintons for anything that goes wrong

Billy P will show us a picture of Obama and Charlie together in turbans, and then accuse others of smoking weed.

ND will lose to Michigan, USC, BC and… Stanford. That will REALLY set Gabes off. Stanford!

ND will win a minor bowl game

The program gets its mojo back. Next year is gonna be better!

Also… if Obama wins I predict that the entire schedule after Nov 4 will be cancelled due to the sky falling down. This would end our season at 4-1.


The End!