The Virtual Dorm

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
-- Bar Jokes
Roto Baseball
Roto Basketball
Roto Golf
Roto Nascar
Photo Galleries
News Archives
Classic Essays
Discussion Threads

Zahm Hall
Notre Dame
ND Alumni
ND Sports
Kelly Green
Blue Gray Sky

LMS XVII: Week 17 - Gateway to Genius

Posted: 2010-12-30

Cage meteorologist say that the most severe storm of LMS XVII started early on Christmas night in Arizona and moved quickly across the southern states into Miami, before moving up the east coast through Jacksonville, finishing with an ultimate unleashing of its most potent fury in Philadelphia. When the snow had been cleared and the wussies had completed their ...

... calculus homework, final storm analysis showed serious damage had been inflicted from San Diego to New York. WEEK SIXTEEN was officially declared a national disaster week at VAN headquarters the following morning, but THE ZOOKEEPER’S muscatel inventory was reported to be seriously depleted but still remaining at sustainable levels.

The coming of the mother of all cage storms that hit WEEK SIXTEEN had been forecasted by veteran cage watchers all along, but not even they could have predicted it’s epic fury. Double digit favorites, those inevitable can’t – miss – mortal - locks in the minds of lesser animals, fell as unexpectedly as a surprise hospital visit by Shirley Chisholm to George Wallace after the latter had been gunned down by Arthur Bremer in that shopping mall in Laurel, Maryland, not far from Fed-Ex stadium and Raven Field (I’m sure you all remember that). The screaming from the exiting cages reminded many of last summer’s altar boy picnic at FATHER MURPHY’S rectory. Several Eagle animals went Gbagbo on THE ZOOKEEPER, refusing to leave their cages until forcibly removed by a Tucker Carlson led hit squad, who executed eviction with extreme prejudice. THE WORLD’S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL has many positive attributes, but mercy is not among them. 252 fall. 39 remain. That’s the way it is.

Most rare January air now sits on these 39 aspiring FOOTBALL GENIUSES, each seeking a prize far more desired than Heff’s latest 23 year old, in suffocating fashion. They have travelled a far way and the goal now lies within their reach but not yet within their grasp. With great trepidation they offer the following for review to the second place animal throng that sits in awe of their position, while in jealous wait for their demise. The final numbers:

6755 OUT, 11 DQ’D, 39 IN. 16 49ERS, 7 LIONS, 4 COLTS, 2 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS, 2 FALCONS, 2 J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS, 2 LAMBS, and 4 lone wolves trying to bring in the New Year with the ultimate selection – 1 PACKER (from the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field), 1 RAVEN, 1 CHEF, and 1 BILLS (that’s right, a BUFFALO BILL in the final week!).

PICK OF THE WEEK FINAL HONORS would seemingly go to BIG ELK TIME with the road dog Bills up against the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets, but wait, animals …… closer inspection shows that the same sponsor entered those Jets as a pick for ORANGE BILLS 2. Hmmmm…. (Looks like an LMS hedge fund at work here for these clever animals. Wouldn’t a tie game be interesting to the rest of the cages now tied for second place?). Other lone wolf notables: JERRY S with the Chiefs,TWIN LADIES with the Packers, and GREENBAY 8 with the Ravens.

And so it all comes to a close this Sunday Sunday Sunday. Will our remaining animals hang on for all eternity in JoePa like fashion, or will they drop like skiers off a chair lift at Sugarloaf? More than a few have changed their original picks to late selections as they struggle with the enormity of their choices, but as of this sending, all picks are now locked. LMS FOOTBALL GENIUS status lies in wait (plus a small monetary token which might be large enough to pay Brett Favre’s fine). Meanwhile, catholics and convicts are set to tee it up shortly. THE ZOOKEEPER is ready to put this thing in the rearview mirror like 2010. R.I.P. Liesel von Trapp (no longer 16 going on 17) and NICHOLBACK, you manned your cages well and will be missed. Adieu. Happy New Year’s greetings to all animals – great and small. Peace. Out.