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LMS XVII: Week 16 - A Light at the End of the Tunnel

Posted: 2010-12-25

Torrential rains in Southern California, a total eclipse of the moon, travel stopping snow storms across Europe, shark attacks in the Red Sea, Spider Man falling from the rafters, Jim Morrison and Billy the Kid back in the news, Lady Gaga biting off Santa’s head, Sash getting booted, and 291 animals still remaining in their cages – the gods must be angry. Reports from neighbors living near THE VAN ...

... told of the sound of smashing jugs and ritualistic chants coming from shadowy dancing figures at the peak of the Winter Solstice eclipse this week. Surely, THE ZOOKEEPER’S work will soon be done.

Christmas is near and the final shopping mall mania gripping procrastinating cages took a back seat to the priorities of the animal horde plodding forward into WEEK SIXTEEN of the WORLD’S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL. Four months of muscatel fueled diversion will soon give way to triumphant bacchanalia, euphoric pandemonium, great feasting, cheering, and loud huzzah’s from the winning FOOTBALL GENIUSES. Meanwhile, they continue to patronize with smug contempt the lesser ilk of animals trailing distantly in their wake. The final two week obstacles seem commonplace to these stalwart pigskin prognosticators. Like Schwarz, they’ll get theirs. Destiny lies in wait.

No need for Christmas Stocking stuffers for this crowd. Christmas gifts? Bah. Humbug. They just want their numbers:

6503 OUT. 11 DQ’D. 291 IN (584.62 if you’re scoring at home). 93 JAGGYWIRES, 75 EGGLES, 62 COWBOYS, 14 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS, 12 LIGHTNING BOLTS, 10 DOLPHINS, 7 BUCS, 6 PATRIOTS, 5 LAMBS, 3 BEARS, 3 CHEFS, and one lone wolf COLT trying to take the whole enchilada.

PICK OF THE WEEK HONORS goes to Jints fan ELI SUCKS, looking to go Michael Vick on the LMS with his 3 point road favorite Colt selection over Oakland, and hoping that Santa brings more than a few upsets to the rest of the NFL. We know how you feel about Eli, here’s hoping that Peyton doesn’t disappoint.

That’s it for this week. THE ZOOKEEPER is hoping Santa doesn’t forget his Muscatel Decanter and a victory over the hurricanes. Here’s hoping that you get what you’ve been wishing for as well. Have a safe and happy Christmas. R.I.P. Detective Dietrich. Peace. Out.