CyberZahm

The incredible shrinking cage journey to undeniable football immortality continues with trepidation for yet to be proven great ones. Jets, Packers, Broncos, Browns, and a few other sideline tripping gremlins, shocked WEEK FOURTEEN would be geniuses, and left them to gather the broken pieces...

... of their dreams like a fat Sugar Plum Fairy ballerina tripping awkwardly away from the Land of the Sweets. Stop your crying, John Boehner. Finishing in a tie for second place in the WORLD’S GREATEST FOOTBALL POOL is still better than a compromised tax bill or having your arm snatched off by a crocodile. Take a trip to Fargo as your consolation prize, cageless animals. The 95th percentile rank moves forward.

Cage survival, that greatest measure of all animals, continues to threaten THE ZOOKEEPER’S arthritic wrists. Undaunted, he maintains faith that justice will prevail. He remains firm in his belief that the pretenders still in their cages will be brought to their empty false destinies in short measure, leaving only the strongest and cleverest of the animals wearing the mantle of FOOTBALL GENIUS. Still, the auto-check-writer is lubed up and ready to go. Market valuation stands at 515.53/cage if you are keeping score at home.

Wintry ice storms may come and go this week, but there is no escaping the cosmic certainty of the third Sunday in December. Soon the Winter Solstice will be upon the cages. 330 of you have witnessed the edges of declining daylight and ever creeping darkness as it has steadily moved into your cages each week since this journey began some fifteen weeks ago. There is no turning back for you now. With three weeks remaining in LMS XVII, now limited choices threaten your determination to greatness like a haymaker at a Hulk Hogan wedding party. Don’t fret about estate tax planning just yet. Your work is unfinished. Show courage in your picks. The darkest moments lie just ahead. Just win, baby, win. This week’s numbers point the way:

6464 OUT, 11 DQ’D, 330 IN. 149 RAYDAHS, 92 LIGHTNING BOLTS, 28 COWBOYS, 23 DOLPHINS, 15 BUCS, 10 PATRIOTS, 4 BEARS, 4 COLTS, 3 FALCONS, and 2 MIGHTY MIGHTY STEELERS.

PICK OF THE WEEK HONORS go to NARCHITECT, BENO 1, RIVERBUM, and CC28 all taking the Bears in the uncertainty of frigid Monday Night weather in Minnesota. As your friend FLOUNDER noted, “Oh, boy, is this great!”

That’s it for this week. Get your picks in early next week. Don’t ruin THE ZOOKEEPER’S Christmas parties, and don’t forget to get your stocking stuffer LMS gift certificates for your favorite football genius while supplies last. Props to Neil Diamond and Dr. John. Musta been the right time. R.I.P. Jim Atherton, Rapid Robert, and Earl Weaver. Oh, no… wait… not yet… Peace. Out.