Gabe Weaver & Billy Danza,

You've had you're say.
We're done discussing.  Get back to your position.  Let's play.
What?
Not done yet?
Ok, you want a piece of me, I'll give you one:

I read with interest your expert comments regarding the 64 
professional baseball umpires in the major leagues, their physical 
attributes, union clauses, over-calls, non-calls, travel habits,rules 
mis-interpretations, etc.. Perhaps we can look at all of these items in 
calm, logical manner, without emotion.

Are you with me, dickheads?

First, Mr. Weaving: As I sorted through your name calling 
diatribe it struck me that you were attempting to make some point in 
regards to umpires not being "fit" to properly attend to the calling of a 
baseball game and that somehow their concerns were more attuned to per 
diem contract clauses than proper control on the ball field.  

Your $200 per diem amount is correct, but you failed to mention 
that the stated amount is for hotels, food, and drink.  Given the rental 
rates in most major league cities, I suspect that's a close call.  Hell, 
I suggest that you drop double that amount down the g-strings of scantily 
clad young ladies in the D.C. suburbs before the third rum and coke is a 
memmory.  

We are talking about a group of 64 very select professionals 
here, who have earned their way to the top after laboring on $18 per diem 
in East T-Shirt, Iowa for a good ten years before making it to the show. 
If they want to live the good life when they finally make it, so be it. 
Their experience, knowledge, and professionalism on the field is 
generally credited to be the best of any major professional sport.  A 
four man crew does not have to sprint like an NFL backjudge, and they get 
a hell of a lot more right on any percentage basis you want to measure.

Your comments on the "actual" strike zone were comical, but I'll 
address this subject more as I discuss the areas of concern for Billy 
Danza from his note.

I guess the thrill of roto-golf has found a tremendous allure for 
you, Mr. Danzas with Wolves and Costases and Morgans and Gammons and 
Knights and other owner shills.  Obviously you would like to substitute 
the culture of golf rules for the tradition honored baseball rules.  That 
way, over-dressed sparrow farts such as yourself could sit at home in 
your Barclay lounger, drink beer and blow smoke rings while hitting the 
speed dial and calling in transgressions.  I could see it now: 
 
"Al, from Brookly, you're on."  
"Thanks, Mr. Morgan. That umpire missed that last pitch.  The 
 ball was a good two inches off the plate.  Change the call to 2-2 and ask 
 the cameraman to go to more overhead shots."

It ain't a call in show, Jack.

And on the subject of "the neighborhood play", I have never known 
a single umpire to have a problem calling a runner out on a smoothly 
delivered ball with the fielder gliding across the bag, avoiding a 
sliding runner and routinely throwing the ball to complete the double 
play.  If your untrained eye cannot see that glide across the bag with 
the ball in possession then you should work harder at it.  

On the other hand, when a play breaks down because of the action 
of the defense and a fielder is pulled off the bag, the runner is safe.  
Hendry got it dead right at live speed.  I found it amazing that anyone 
watching at slow motion from a camera angle found three innings later who 
thought that Vizquel was safe could make such an obvious error.  Hendry 
had the live play and he nailed it good.  Replay watchers blew it.  Why 
else would the runner have remained at second if he wasn't safe?

Maybe we should draw those yellow lines on the television screen 
around the strike zone like they have for first downs in football games 
now.  Wouldn't that make the games more inviting.  Of course the strike 
zone is an area above the plate where any part of the ball may pass 
through rather than a single point or line, but I'm sure you experts were 
well aware of that.  You saw it on your Sonytrons.

Bottom line, oh clueless ones:  All the October hype on umpires 
including the 27 camera angles designed to show the play until the 
umpires appear wrong in slow motion is about money.  Major League Owners 
are about to attempt to shove it up the union's ass as scheduled one more 
time.  Joe Morgan, Bob Costas, Peter Gammons, Ray Knight, USA Today and 
company know where their bread is buttered.  Fans are sheep.

Truth is nobody has ever umpired a perfect game.  It can't 
happen.  It's an asymptotic equation that cannot reach the axis point.  
It's not science, it's baseball. 64 guys have earned the right to be 
where they are.  If 10% suck, so what.  10% of the Yankees and Padres 
suck too.  Deal with it.  Don't let the media change your focus away from 
the fact that NO umpire's call will decide a game one way or the other.  
The numbers of those "questionable" judgement calls are statistically 
irrelevant to the numbers of outs/safes, balls/strikes, fair/fouls.

One final note: home plate is 17 inches wide.  The line that 
marks the batter's box is 6 inches from home plate.  The average bat is 
34 inches long.  The ball is roughly three inches in diameter.  You do 
the math for crybabies like Paul O'Neil who don't want to take an outside 
slider the opposite way because it's hard to do.

Gentlemen, we're finished here.  There will be no more discussion 
unless you'd like to try to beat the traffic home.

Blue Monkey