Posted by Ikey, 4/18/2001: INDIANAPOLIS (Reuters) April 18. BOGUS EMPLOYEE NABBED Pharmaceutical giant Eli Lilly today reported that a joint effort by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and internal company security has resulted in the arrest of a 48 year old man accused of falsely identifying himself as a Lilly employee. John G. "Puss" was apprehended without a struggle at his home in suburban Indianapolis. Puss is believed to carried on his charade for over 20 years, successfully posing as a Senior Vice President for Resources. He had eluded Lilly security by maintaining a low profile and never actually setting foot in their corporate offices during his years as an "employee". Puss was apparently undone by his own ingenuity. Federal officials were alerted when the 1974 Notre Dame graduate attempted to dissuade fellow alumni from using a Lilly e-mail address that he had been using for the past 7 years. "He must have been feeling a little heat", said FBI Director Louis Freeh. "Most of these guys feel like they're invincible but sooner or later, they all make a mistake. And then we nail 'em." Freeh went on to call Puss a "dumb fuck" when he e-mailed several friends and asked them to stop using the Lilly address. Among the recipients were FBI informers in Wisconsin, Illinois, Oregon, Virginia, Minnesota, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Missouri and NY. Freeh went on to say that the manpower devoted to the Lilly case would be reassigned to Boston to assist agents already investigating a money-laundering scheme tied to the "Big Dig". Management officials at Lilly first became suspicious when a physician in upstate NY reportedly queried a pharmaceutical representative for the company about his friend Mr. Puss. The rep denied knowing the accused, saying he'd "never heard of him", and immediately informed Lilly security about the possibility of an imposter operating within the company. Police in numerous jurisdictions are also interested in questioning Leicht about stalking professional golfer Tiger Woods. The accused is known to harbor considerable ill-will toward the personable Woods and has been often heard saying that Woods should be "banned". "I'd love to find out if this the guy who's been screaming 'You da man!!!' everytime Tiger takes a swing," said PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem. A number of eyewitnesses have placed Puss in Woods' sizeable galleries at venues ranging from St. Andrew's to Pebble Beach. Woods called his nemesis a "dumb fuck" and said he hoped that Puss would be "banned from golf, real and rotiserrie." Puss's wife and children were unavailable for comment but family friends, speaking off the record, believed that Mary Kay, wife of the accused, was also suspicious that her husband was not a Lilly employee. Puss is currently being held without bond in the city jail in Indianapolis. Johnny Cochran is said to be interested in taking the case, but it is believed that Puss has already hired Jackie Childs to represent him. **************************************************************** And a reply: Dr Ike, Thank you for your expose! Obviously, you had a case of insomnia last evening or no cases today. The thought of 20 years of employment without having to wake up and go to work was almost as intoxicating as my Rob Roy this evening. As Jackie Gleason would say, "how sweet it is!". Your note was great until you mentioned Louis Freeh. That Janet Reno lap dog couldn't find the keyhole in his car door let alone find me! What a disappointment. A good, catholic boy who has a really bad barber (did anyone see his last television appearance when his sideburns went halfway up his head and were shorter than Humphrey Bogart's in "Treasure of the Sierra Madres?"). The snow must be melting in Cooperstown as The Doctor is thawing out. No Julius Erving, but a class act. Too bad his Pinstripes are also melting! Puss in the middle of the rotobaseball pack and climbing - about to pass the Pinstripes