A small sampling of some of the missives bandied about in Cyberzahm while the tight 2000 presidential campaign remained in limbo for over a month. Apologies to Terry who was certainly in the middle of all of this, and kept the rhetoric flowing, since I managed to leave him out of the few times I decided to save a string of messages for posterity. ------------------------------------------------------------------ From John - Nov 12, 2000 Subject: Re: Warning: Political Content within Nice analysis Terry. Well thought out. Yet the words ring hollow somehow because, however cogent, the situation ultimately was reduced to sterilized synthesized analysis. Gore this. Bush that. Manueverings in political war. Ironically, the president elect may well be the real loser. How the hell will he govern? The fella conceding will be the "hero", stepping aside "for the nation" and the next day starting a "Campaign 2004" with the sure intent of righting the wrong. My mother lives in West Palm Beach. Some of her friends were quite upset when they discovered that they inadvertently voted Pat B. And many were very confused about the ballot. At her precinct later in the day a volunteer group of blue hairs sat outside the doors warning newcomers about the ballot confusion. Catholics and Jews are good with guilt. You see that old Jewish fella saying with a thick accent... "Now I have to go to my grave knowing that I voted for Pat Buchanan." Yeah, OK. election processes are not perfect. But when you have 19000 ballots, another few thousand for Pat B in a Jewish precinct, and blue hairs demonstrating in the streets... well... That was bad shit down there. The GOPers are lame to cast it in any other way. For those thousands down there, it just plain sucked. I'm guessing that Bush will win in the end. He'll lose the popular vote. Barely. And he'll carry around all that guilt from West Palm Beach. Tough break. He's also got a split Congress. He's a lame duck before he even takes office. Gore gets to play the part of "victim." The election "stolen" from him. Who woulda thunk it? J ------------------------------------------------------------------ From: Andy Sent: Sunday, November 12, 2000 6:35 PM Subject: Re: Warning: Political Content within John, I have to say, my favorite sign in the background thus far (seen as the Florida TV cameras were rolling on the "very upset" Palm Beach protesters): My grandmother knows how to vote, why doesn't yours? Good stuff. Or how about the cartoon of that kid from the movie, The Sixth Sense, saying about the Palm Beach voters: I see dumb people. They're walking around all the time and they don't even know that they're dumb. Sobbing blue hairs weeping in their lawn chairs at the cemetery because they voted by mistake for Pat Buchanan, what an American tragedy. Bad shit? You've got to be kidding. They haven't had this much excitement since the viagra pills accidentally got dumped into the Saturday night soup. Tell your mom to get new friends. Her current ones are way too uptight. Let he amongst you without a declared winner in Oregon cast the first recount. Bad Samaritan -------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> "DD" 11/13/00 10:05AM >>> Ange: I agree that we're watching history in the making. Whoever wins will be, I suspect, politically crippled as Pres. There ought to be a quick end to it and everyone just live with the results. I could live with Al Gore. I'd have to puke a lot, but I could live with it. Regarding the manual recount, are we to assume that the margin of error in machine counted ballots in the selected counties is greater than the margin of error in the other Florida counties? If they must hand count some, shouldn't they hand count all? Are we assuming that more mistakes were made in those counties than the remainder of Florida? Is the argument that voters in those counties are dumber than the voters in rest of Florida? Or perchance has Al picked the counties most likely to turn the Florida count in his favor? Regarding the Buchanon votes, I read where he got 8,000 votes there in '96 and about 3600 this time around. If a different group of people were to hand count the same ballots, what are the chances that the totals would come up different, yet again? D.D. ---------------------------------------------------------------- From Prep - mid Novemeber - 2000: Greetings from West Palm Beach! Well, I couldn't stand to be so far from the epicenter of the latest display of the Founding Father's wisdom, so here I am paddling around the pool, sipping a latte' from the floating bar, and pondering the difference between hanging chads and pregnant chads. (The former count, the latter don't.) This manual recount business is hard work, but fortunately lawyers are in big demand in these parts right now, so the bar bill for all the senior citizens taking a break from marching in the streets will be manageable. The Bush crowd is apoplectic that these old timers actually want their votes to count, but I was persuaded by their argument that they fought in the nation's wars, invested in a social security program that the "me first" crowd wants to gut, and raised their children to believe that every vote counts. So here I am. I sure could use some of Al Gore's orange makeup right now (sigh), because the bright light of democracy is intense down here. Understandably, Bush wants to cut a deal with Gore so Gore will go away, but helloooo - people decide, not candidates. If I could send faxes from poolside, Curious George would have a copy of the Constitution on his desk within minutes. Even though it will be a while before we see whether he needs it, he might as well start boning up on it. Sheesh, I would send him a copy of the statute establishing Social Security as a federal program so he could get that duck in a row, too. (That little slip of the tongue on CG's part makes the confused seniors around here look like rocket scientists.) Speaking of ducks, Ol' Willie may not be so lame after all if Hillary throws her bra into the ring in '04. Back to the future in spades. As for the present, folks around here are marveling at the Bush campaign's capacity for self-destruction. I mean, c'mon, the guy spends the precious waning hours of the campaign stumping in states he is bound to lose, while Al's boring in the tossups. Yikes, didn't they teach geography at Yale? Then he pours gas on one of the most divisive elections in history before the votes are finally counted, proclaiming himself the winner when a large majority of Americans believe the votes should be counted properly. Yikes, the guy's only got two feet, but he's sure not taking any chances missing them with those shotgun blasts. And just when I thought CG didn't care about the environment, he's out front and center with recycling the likes of James Baker. Nice move, JB, suing out a frivolous, anti-states rights lawsuit in a federal lawsuit before a Clinton appointee, just after criticizing the Dems for being litigation-happy. CG made a big deal out of picking competent advisers to allay fears of his lack of experience. Riiiiiiiight. The states rights faction of the GOP must be stroking out this morning. CG, is shooting himself in the feet, but Ol' Sure Shot Baker is positively blasting the Bush weltanschaung off its last legs. As for the boring one, I watched Jack Kennedy play football with his family, and Al Bore is no Jack Kennedy. Give the guy credit for accomplishing the impossible, however - a tight race as a sitting vice president with a strong economy and no huge foreign policy messes against a guy who is turning his state into a giant Love Canal and who leads the pack in executing the mentally retarded. All of this is to say that when people ask, "who's going to be president?" I say, "who cares?" Waiter, fetch me another libation. I'm paddling as fast as I can. Prep ---------------------------------------------------------------- From Andy, Dec 13, 2000 All, What an awful shame. And in the end, the Gorebot got what he deserved. Dame Justice, while not completely blind, stumbled her way through the darkness to what ultimately has to be considered a fairly considered conclusion to a fairly lousy election process. Face it fellow champions of the great pitchfork crowd, the Gorebot got what he deserved, because it was the Gore camp's partisan and politically skewed count every vote, but only in the counties that we want them counted most, strategy which ultimately did him in. Had they argued for a full count with defined standards across the state from the start, we may have seen a real examination of the votes lying in the Sunshine State's chad covered beaches. But the Gorebot never really wanted a full and fair count, the Republican mob is right about that one. He didn't care about the poor, downtrodden, voices yearning to speak in loud voices from their voting machine challenged neighborhoods across the state. He just wanted a short cut to victory, a victory he would have taken at any cost, even at the cost of the full and fair count truth that he pimped so shamelessly. Not that Dubya and the gang was much on caring what really happened on election night, either. At least he can hide behind the argument that he really isn't aware of much that is going on, anyway. Think about how comical it seems now that Katherine Harris et al. had their office doors wide open on a holiday weekend, Sunday afternoon. No Thanksgiving break for these hard working American heroes. Hell, they hardly had time to whip up those critically needed electors. So a pox on both of your houses, citizens of Vero Beach. The people that you mock with your feigned concern for their well being will go on as before, punching or not punching their daily chad. At least now they'll have some good Saturday Night Live chuckles for the next four years to count on. And Dame Justice? She'll have to keep peering through those dark shades she's wearing, even in the night's darkness, to hide the shiner from that political system sucker punch she just got. Say Goodnight, Gracey. *************************************************************** Gentlemen.... I neglected to tell each of you that the SEC, yes the Security Exchange Commission, have been monitoring my E-Mails. They are a political lot and yesterday they rendered an opinion on the quality of E-Mails that had hit my desktop since the election night. As you may have guessed there is some exposure here that you may need to worry about. First of all they mentioned that those of the Zahmbies that have a Republican party persuasion may have significantly less to be anxious about. They specifically mentioned a Mr. Lilly and said that if his thought provoking drugs continued to be shared then he would be held harmless. Also they mentioned a Mr. Hansen and said that anyone who had the gene power to get one of their namesake into today's Notre Dame was a friend of theirs. He should feel proud and thankful. And there was a party named 'Vita who they particularly commended for waving the conservative viewpoints of them back-wood Ohioans. It is the SEC viewpoint that the Buckeyes will see the light in time for the next century. Somewhat disturbing were their assessments of a scholar named McMahon. 'Crazy', 'society-leach', 'antiquated,' 'ERA-less' were certain adjectives used to describe their observations. They intend to scrutinize his financial holdings in more detail, a suggestion that everyone knows will lead nowhere. They also noted that they need to also research the financial whereabouts of this Danza fellow. Something about him being in the top 1% of America's wealth, coupled with his widely known roto-prowess. It is suggested that maybe this Roto-king should take flight to his grassroots, if only for a few years, to escape the embarrassments that his closet skeletons may bear. During their exit interview they also mentioned in passing that 'the Polluck in Texas has no worries, in fact there may be a plum position that he can assume for his Texas buddy Bush'. I think they meant the bent over, mouth wide open while licking lips position but better to ask this blowhard. They strongly noted that some of the Democratic losers should be on alert. First they provided criticism of ' a farmer in the hinterlands of the Northwest.' They noted that any further Federal dog-food to this 'government sucking pig' would immediately cease. They intend for this individual to seek a meaningful lifestyle that includes proper compensation for his contribution to society. They hazarded a guess by saying that such work may attract a minimum wage salary. Then they lambasted what they called 'the guppy from Minnesota.' The water from the lakes has polluted his brain. He has been brainwashed by the Gore machinery and has turned into a little guppy fighting those strong downwind currents. The guppy needs a rest in order to revitalize his fighting spirit. And then they made obscene remarks about the male whore from the North Shore. Something to the effect that this Dailey loving female impersonator could make it nowhere except Millies Bar and Grill at 2 am Sunday morning. Further they commented that in the interest of his family's visitation rights this person should begin developing maximum security escape software. Oh, in their strongly written opinion they also commented about a doctor at day, drunkard at night personality. Something to the effect that they would no longer tolerate individuals who on one hand want to advise the ill of health, but in the next breath is eager to inhale the finest alcohol to great extremes. They said that they have been after this impostor for several years but the person continues to escape their clutches by regularly moving to various remote locations. Almost forgotten in their report was the slander tossed at a potential nuclear engineer. They remarked that anyone that had judgement comparable to this Rickover makeover should be be spending duty in search submarines. They should be in the submarine that is being looked for and hopefully not found. But their most stinging criticism was left for who they called " The Neanderthal from the North." They said that they have wasted many hours and many hard drives attempting to understand the scribblings of this human imitator. The attempted spin artistry has been endless and the rambling uncontrollable. They are immediately canceling this individuals social security number because they are convinced that these musings originate from a source that has no mankind credentials. And last but by no means least they complimented the 'clean' methods of ones called the "Fox' and the 'Willo.' They complimented them saying that they should be blessed that they did not step to the depths of the political bashers but took the high road and offered no comment when it came to talking politics. They have dismissed any further pursuits of the 'clean' and the Repubs but have served notice that the Demo-pushers have prereserved appointments with the Texas executioner. Further advisements will be provided when available.