Subject: Conspiracy Theory
Date: Tue, 23 Nov 1999 16:34:10 -0500
From: "Andy" 

All,
    Given this most historic anniversary date, and having not grown past
mental standards established at the time of that fateful sixth-grade day, I
would like you all to consider this question:  why would Wasdsworth extend
Davie's contract an additional three years (effectively beginning anew the
five year original commitment)?

    I have researched this matter for at least thirty minutes, and my
conclusions are as bone chilling as they are obvious to the rational
thinker:  there exists an evil force within the Catholic hierarchy at ND, a
sub-government within the governing body, that is determined to utilize the
misfortunes of the football program for their own lucrative gain by wagering
against the team and lining their pockets with riches at the expense of
faithful ND followers.

    This shadow government is as brilliant as they are evil.  They know NCAA
sanctions are looming which will probably cost scholarships bringing down
recruiting efforts even lower than they are now.  The resultant 2-9 seasons
to follow will have a self-fulfilling destructive impact that will insure
Davie's lack of success for a minimum of five years.  Davie will complain of
forces beyond his control, but no one will believe him.  All the while the
program spirals downward, they will be "laying the lumber" on heavy
favorites while simultaneously cashing NBC checks and harvesting
forty-something alumni for even steeper contributions which they claim will
be necessary to "support the programs in place."

    Davie is just their stooge.  When they have sucked as much cash as they
can from the Vegas odds-makers and ND starts getting 24 and 25 home point
spots, they will turn on Boob, doctor up those photos of him holding Pravda
and the rifle, and the Observer will run taped transcripts of Boob's
pre-game meetings with Jer-Dog.  Then will come the tri-angulated fire from
one of those new grassy knolls.

    When the time is then right, the shadows will move to bring in Steve
Spurrier, re-kindle the spirit, wake up the echoes and the silent force will
once again clean up betting, now the heavy dog, right back to National
prominence.

    We know that Wadsworth and Beauchamp are manipulators for these Elders.
But who is actually pulling the strings?  And what can we do about these
shadow people now that we know of their existence?

    I'm still working on that.

Andy

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Andy,

And I thought you were nuts for running a pool the magnitude of Last Man
Standing.  I had no idea of the depth of your craziness!

HOWEVER.......
There is some logic to a thread of your discussion, namely, that Boob is a
simple placeholder until we get the sanctions, etc behind us.  I actually
like the idea:  clean house, and let the Savior come in on the upside.  Two
problems, though:  1)  Do any of you think Beauchamp and Wadsworthless are
that smart?, and 2) Remember, they extended Boob's contract last summer,
when they still thought the sanctions were about to be announced.  No one I
have heard believes they will last for more than a year or two at most.
That being the case, why give the dog a home for two more years when someone
else can come in and clean up?

Oh, and one more thing.  The guy on the grassy knoll was Jimmy Johnson.

Sobo

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Sobo,
    Crazy?
    You the one who lives in the city that whacked a president.

    But that's old news, Boob isn't.
    Beauchamp and Wadsworth don't have the balls or the brains to pull off a
conspiracy of this magnitude.  I can't believe Malloy even knows it exists.
So who is behind this?  Come on Cyberzahmbies, use your deductive reason and
Belugian logic.  Together we can put together a list of suspects and solve
this puzzle.

    I'll go first.
    Suspect number one:  The Nuns from Saint Marys.
    Let's face it, we know they're still pissed about that merger thing and
bringing down ND football while making a ton of money at it would be just
the sort of sick thing a nun would stoop to do.
    These are the same cold-hearted people who have gnarled the nuckles of
many a fine young man in his pre-pubescent prime.  I can still remember Bob
Devlin lamenting the things he would have been able to do if it weren't for
his crippled hands.  They certainly have the Nietzschean will to see such a
horrible plan through to its conclusion.

    But their motive isn't revenge.  No, if revenge was all they wanted,
they would just keep filling up inflated recruiting rosters with the likes
of Ron Powlus, using touts like Beano Cook to do their dirty work.  You
don't think he's run by made penguins?
    No, their motive is the old numero uno on the greatest evils list:
greed for money.  They never could get enough pennies at Lenten time.  And
whatever happened to the money we spent on all those Pagan babies we bought?
Last I looked, only Agosta and Gabes and Fox had proof of any third worlders
saved from Communism and they didn't get a damn dime's worth of credit for
all of the money those nun took.

    The irony is too much.  ND football goes down the tubes and St. Mary's
College keeps buying and building Rt.31 motels filled with the alumni
suckers who come each year in search of a miracle.  All the while the altar
wine they are preparing for Sunday's mass is replaced by better stuff than
McGee can pronounce, so that the old priest in the know will keep their
mouth's shut.

    They had motive, they had the will.  Opportunity?  What do you think
goes on at Corby Hall late at night?

    But there are more suspects.  You know who they are.
    later,
Andy